Lying Mommy!

I consider myself a pretty honest person. I only eat ONE grape at the grocery store, just to make sure the bunch won't be sour. If I wear the "I voted" sticker, I did. I don't take the "I gave blood" sticker, unless I really did, and I feel really lame if they give me the "I tried" sticker. I tell the doctor the truth when he asks how much I weigh and I always tell Bryon when I spend money, which is all the time! So, I'm beginning to feel guilty about becoming a liar to Collin.

I know we have to lie to our kids. There's the whole Santa issue. I mean stop me if you've heard this one...he's not real. And, of course, things like: this hurts me more than it hurts you; and, no you can't have anymore crackers because we're out. All those are lies. We're never out of crackers, he's just had thirty and it's not even dinnertime yet. But, the lies got me today, right in the kisser. I realized I'm doing food lies; the lies my parents pulled on me to get me to eat crap that I didn't want.

I remember them telling my sister that ham was "fat bacon," because she LOOOOOVED bacon but wouldn't eat ham and come on, they are basically the same thing: salted pork. So, she believed them and happily shoveled it in. I had a friend who was convinced that broccoli was really just "European celery." My mom only bought diet soda and convinced me that's what I liked too because of some "allergy" to regular soda that I was convinced I had until I was an adult and learned that regular soda actually tastes better. Oh, and then I became even more of an adult and realized that it also makes you fat. And, I'm a little allergic to that idea.

Anyway, Collin loves hamburgers. I think he might love them more than he loves me. Coming in a close second to hamburgers is hot dogs. He'd eat these foods all three meals a day if I'd let him. I made a bacon meatloaf last night. Scrummy. Meatloaf ranks right up there with crap in my book but it's easy and cheap and I choked it down, so he should too. And, can you get any closer to hamburger? I think not. So, I did the parent-lie. I gave him some "bun/bread" and told him it was a hamburger.

It was deceitful. It was awful. It was a horrible lie that will cause him to distrust me, all adults, all women, all parental figures, all authority, everyone for the rest of his life. But, it worked.

Okay, so really, half of this is just the fact that I finally figured out how to do videos on this darn thing and wanted to try it out and this was the video that I took today.Grandparents: rejoice at the sound of the Peanut's voice! Yes, I take an equal amount of videos as I do photos. I'm a sick, sick individual. You would take this many too if your kid was this cute. What am I saying?! Your kids are all this cute too! I swear.

The punishment for my lie...none. Look at the kid. He took it upon himself to go sit in a quiet corner and read a book to himself. This was formerly going to be a time-out chair. It has since been repurposed because he likes the darn thing so much. Obviously, it's not much of a punishment if he kind of enjoys sitting in it, is it? So, time out involves strapping him into his food chair, with AAAAAAAHHHH!, no food!

I'm off to eat my way to the bottom of the jelly bean bag now. Someone's got to finish all the good flavors!