Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I forgot my child today. Seriously. I totally spaced. I was working on my paper, la-tee-da. I thought nothing of the fact that I forgot to eat lunch. Think of it as a diet plan for those who are having trouble keeping 105 pounds on (go ahead and come kick my ass, I don't lock my doors).
Still, all of the sudden, it was 2:45 and the only reason I got up was because I'd also forgotten to pee. All day. Not kidding. All day. Started working at 10 am. Bladder painfully full at 2:45 after a Coke and a liter of water. It wasn't taking any prisoners on the way to the bathroom when I realized the time and said the following:
"F*@#&#, I forgot my son! I'm a terrible F#*%#ng mother!" Then, I briefly considered skipping the trip to the bathroom and just getting in the car to save three minutes. My body had other plans.
Alas, only ten minutes late to preschool. In my eyes that's five minutes early for avoiding a late pickup fee. So, phew.
The best part? I was informed that an hour ago, approximately time that my almost orphaned child would've gotten up from his sweaty-be-blanket-headed nap, he had a fever of, wait for it, wait, wait, wait: 98,4. Yes folks, 98.4. Should I take him to the hospital? Or, am I being a terrible mother by not worrying? I've already displayed my negligence today, so maybe I'm not taking this seriously enough?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Yeah, we spent the money for the package that gave us the high-res CD and thus allowing us to just go ahead and print what we wanted ourselves.
So, grandparents this time only, we aren't sending you gobs of prints like we usually do. Please forgive us. I'm sorry. But, when you see this photos, and the smathering sample that is here, you will soon understand. It was worth the money we shelled out to Adam. And it will be worth the click over to Shutterfly for you. I promise! (as soon as the gazillion of them are uploaded, I will put an active hyperlink on the blog for you, in addition to the e-mail that I think automatically generates).
You will soon be ooohing and aaaaahing over the gads of prints to choose from of your precious little grandson and his equally precious parents (did I just say that?).
And you can pick whatever you want. I have already hounded my dear husband all afternoon to get them uploaded and they will be there before he goes to work on Monday. Promise! Otherwise, you and I both know that you'll NEVER see them!
Anyway, can you believe the adorableness of this child? I can't sometimes and I'm his mother.
1. Yesterday, two Hispanic men came to my house and I got excited and it made me late.
(The Ethan Allen delivery men came and brought my my china cabinet! They were late, thus I was late for my next appointed engagement as I refused to leave the house until I saw it come through the door, despite my husband being home to welcome it. Yes, I said, "welcome" it.)
2. I spent part of my morning yesterday picking over a dead stranger's things and then giving another stranger $50 for said stranger's awesome antique bookcase that we don't need but that I coveted. (When I see estate sale signs on the ritzy neighborhoods around here, I can't help but go in and I'm starting to not feel creeped out by them anymore. People die. When rich people die, they have good stuff. In my dreams, it's Spode and Waterford. It doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a bargain hunter. It's like a garage sale in Tim Burton's universe. I like Tim Burton and I like garage sales. What's the problem?)
3. I spent a bit of my afternoon playing with my gorgeous new friend who prefers to be called T-Bone and who spent much of our time trying to eat a fence. (I had my first horseback "riding" lesson which was all a ground lesson because I've never been on a horse before. But, learning to groom, saddle and bridle a horse was more fun that I've had in as long as I can remember and I can't wait to go back and ride. By the way, has anyone ever realized just how HUGE a horse is until you've actually had to do that stuff? Seriously! They are not messing around. That thing could kill you. Oh, and add that to the list of stuff, I "do.")
4. I did the "all nighter" with panache last night trying to study. Bryon found me with my face in my book snoring by 11 pm. Apparently, there is a reason that college kids are kids. Every time I feel like I could keep up with the kids in my classes, I'm reminded in a big way that I'm an old foggie. Little Miss, "I graduated High School in 20008 could kick my ass." 2008!
5. I am the only member of my family awake because of said all nighter. Back to the books! We have a picture appointment with the photographer that took our beach pictures last week to review and purchase. We get a free 8x10. Supposedly, we should walk away with just that. Right. This is the kind of gorgeous pictures he takes. These aren't strangers. These are the Roaches and they have photo model children. If our pictures look half as good as theirs, we are in trouble. I'm considering calling MasterCard and telling them we have a spending liming of twelve dollars.
Friday, April 23, 2010
At least he put it back on after he went poop. That's right, I said, after he went poop. Does anyone else's child poop in the buff? It's a new thing for him. New as in, this week. He's suddenly got a naked poop fetish. He's pretty convinced that if he doesn't take all of his clothes off, they will instantly become soiled. I'm kind of letting the whole thing go and hoping this too shall pass, but it's decidedly weird.
-13 page, cited, researched and written by anal-retentive, over-achieving grad student, term paper is due in two weeks. Have I mentioned that I haven't started it yet and failed to consider that I would be moving at the same time as trying to complete this? Why, oh why didn't I think of that possibility? Oh, I know! Because no one thinks of a stupid thing like that.
-optometry, orthopedic surgery, pulmonolgoy, speech therapy, dermatology and dentist appointments to reschedule because we just don't have the time to get to them. Wait, scratch that. We CAN get to the pulmonolgist because darn it, we need that one and the waiting list was already eight weeks.
-"leisure activities" that are going undone: like horseback riding, book club meetings where I have nothing to say because I've only read half the book for once (shoot me for being in two book clubs when I'm trying to do a master's), and a spouse's club president who is mean to me
because I don't do a super job at my post (oh wait, that's because I don't care about it. Hear that mean lady? The spouse's club is NOT my first priority!)
-the base garage sale pile o'crap that I've accumulated and I've got all ready to sell next month but I'm already stressed out about because the people that show up to this event are vultures and try to talk you down no matter how cheaply you price stuff. "No lady, I will NOT sell you a play structure for $1! And no, I will not throw in our kitchen table for an extra 50 cents!"
-painting our entire house in two days. There, I've said it. Phew. I'm pretending that it will be a piece of cake and that my arms won't fall off from exhaustion and that my kid won't spill an entire can of paint or that the tape job I do at 3 am won't be horrible and leaky but all of those things will happen and somewhere at about day 1 and a half, I will break down in tears and a migraine from hell will happen and I will either be in the hospital asking for morphine and shaking (which sounds like a joke but isn't...it happens) or I will be seeing spots that I'm not sure if I painted or are part of my headache or I will wrap Collin up in the drop cloth and put him in the trunk.
-loading a house full of furniture on our own. I'm spoiled by Air Force movers. Despite their amazing ability to break stuff, pack your actual garbage and use an entire box to pack a paperclip, I will miss them next week.
-I fear that whatever neighbors we have on our new street will be worse than the old ones and I reserve the right to hate them in the future. I am just going to go ahead and state that for the record. Got that record?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
End result? They got a special letter allowing them to keep the trampoline! Seriously! Oh, and a little talking to about how noisy they are and about how to be good neighbors. Basically, this means that since the four other houses on the block are also enlisted army and they are all block party friends every night with bonfires and other crazy noise problems, gee, I wonder who the complainer was? Yeah, I want to live here still.
Hugs! Send some help and hugs to us! We need them over the next few weeks. We'll be crazy here!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
This is Collin after his performance-enhancing drugs. Just like the big-leaguers.
And, like all the professional athletes, as he's wrapping up his career and realizing that he's got nothing to fall back on, this is Collin considering a dj rap career and practicing those silly hand gestures that supposedly look cool. G.
At least he's got his ride. And he still wears his hat facing forward, not backward or sideways. Phew.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Well, bye-bye nebulizer anyway (at least for a little while) thanks to quicker inhalers. Phew. But, not bye-bye counter, as he enjoyed the counter top so much, that I couldn't get him to break that part of the routine as of yet. We'll work on that. Little boy in pink sweater, atop my kitchen counter, hmmm, something not right about that.
You know those commercials, for those sugary breakfast cereals where they always say, "Part of this balanced breakfast," and then they show you a teeny-weeny bowl of said breakfast cereal with eggs, fruit, some meat and then some dairy product just to make up for the fact that you are essentially eating candy? Well, my child had part of a balanced breakfast this morning.
He'd never had a Peep before, so he's pondering whether or not he should try it. This, by the way, is something I adore about children. You tell them, insist to them, that they will like it, that it is CANDY, and they spend ten minutes examining it like it could potentially explode, as if the sugar granules on it might, for the love of God, be granules of crystallized parsley (Collin's Nemesis). He actually tried picking OFF the brown dyed sugar granule that is the eye.
Yes, I recognize that both shots are almost identical, but I couldn't stop laughing at how cute he was making that pondering face and I also couldn't pick which one was more adorable. Maybe it's the sweater? J. Crew does make cute clothes, don't they?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
We dashed to the doctor today, as Mommy made a last minute appointment, literally as she turned the car around in the parking lot from not dropping her barking child off at preschool because heck, why bother dropping him off if they are going to call her in twenty seconds to pick him up because he gags and throws up? Right? Right? Anyone with me? It pains me to let him miss expensive school on top of a day that I miss expensive school. I could do the math and figure out just how much money the two of us threw away today but English majors only know how to read. You should have seen my advisor and I trying to do the math required to divide the 30 credits I need to graduate and spacing it out over the 2 years I have left here, determining how it's possible to work it so i can make it fit. Watching us do it without a calculator? Have you ever thrown a blanket over a dog and seen how long it takes him to find his way out? Bryon does the math in our house.
He looks kind of cute though, no matter how much of a stinkpot he is. Man it's easy to love that face.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Alas, even in XS, a tee shirt for a woman is often a bit large on a toddler, even a toddler up to 4 and 5T in most of his tee shirts. Mommy thought this solution was a bit ingenious. But take a look at those meat hooks clutching at that thing. Jeesh man! His hands are almost as big as mine these days!
Either way, he was happy. But, like most white shirts, it didn't make it past lunch before it hit the laundry basket slathered with stain remover. He's a boy, what can I say? I also called Kari to warn her not to laugh aloud when we met them at the park, for fear of his first public ridicule. I mean, it's not every day you see a boy in a sparkly heart t-shirt held together with an office supply. I felt it was my duty to give her advance notice.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
You get shot at with toys that are NOT guns. Then, two minutes later, your child that was making you reach for the Excedrin, ear muffs and straightjackets decides to have a mood swing to total calmness. No threats to boarding school necessary. Completion of mood swing to calmness must include total adorableness. Oh, and yes that is a birthday balloon still sitting there next to him. Two days after his birthday, Bryon and I "humanely" (read: gleefully) 47 of the 50 balloons out of their misery. Really, it was my misery, as I'm not sure if anyone can really imagine how annoying 50 balloons in your house really is, until you experience it. Totally worth it, also totally worth popping them while he was asleep. He never missed them but he's still enjoying having a few around. How much longer can we get away with doing away with things like that while he's sleeping without him noticing? Wonder if he'd notice if I was gone? Another joy of being the mother of a boy? Watching him mack on the ladies already. He's still not mastering the art of steering. He knows it. I know it. Gracie knows it. So she totally took the reigns of the jeep today and Collin was all about letting his lady take control. They were both perfectly content with the arrangement. For these pseudo-siblings, who manage to fight over dust particles sometimes, it was nirvana. For bonuses, Collin has managed to sweeten the pot of being my son lately by learning the art of buttering me up. The following phrases have become part of his lexicon. I'm not complaining. These are a smathering of my favorites of his cutsies. I especially love them because I have NO idea where he came up with them. When boys say this stuff, I think it's especially charming because, come on guys, it's boys! So charming!!
Mommy, can I fall in love with you? (said while nuzzling my shoulder)
Mommy, you are my favorite Mommy? (I recognize the absurdity but I'm going to take it)
Mommy, you are my best friend because I keep you in my heart. (seriously!!)
Mommy, will you dry my tears? (something he only whips out when he's crying for a stupid reason and he knows it's a totally adorable thing to say and I can't resist it)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Also to be kissed good-bye according to the doc at our well baby visit (fingers crossed and another referral to another specialist)....
Collin's gross toenails! Hooray! I've been complaining about his gross toenails EVERY doctor visit since he was born! Does anyone else's kid have this problem, or just mine? His big toes and his second toes have nails that are really, really thick and they grow up and out instead of straight. The doctor said babies are sometimes born that way from being squished and curled in the womb (as if it's our fault for not providing them larger accommodations) and they usually straighten out by their first birthday. Kind of passed the deadline there.
So, he's got to go to a dermatologist to make sure it's not some weird, long-named thing that they don't have to fix. Why can't they just call stuff easy-to-pronounce, logical descriptions like, "gross toenail cooties?" He's already had an ingrown toenail (ewwww) that hurt him a lot because they are super hard to cut (it has nothing to do with his squirming). This has lead to the now, traumatic toenail clipping parties we have that involve stradlling the boy and holding him down until child protective services knocks on our door and asks why there is a child screaming, "YOUR KILLING ME! STOP! I'M DYING! IT HURRRRRTS! NOOOOOOO!" Gross. Can you believe that this face can be gross?
I can. Maybe it's because I'm his mother. So, it amazes me how many doctors it takes to keep a kid running. Pulmonologist this month to talk about (gasp...asthma...everyone cross your fingers that it's not asthma), dermatology to get rid of toe ick, and speech again. This kid better be an orator for all the speech therapy he'll have gotten. I think we might be being picky now but for how awesome it worked the first time, I certainly can't say no. He's more verbal than a lot of kids way older than he is. Besides, every time we drive by the building, he still says, "Can I go play with Amber?" Sure, Collin! Let's go!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
That is a mess, my friends. That is a mess. Thank goodness we put out the vinyl super tarp. Collin only managed to spill the dye cups three times. Mommy, thank goodness hadn't showered yet at 3 in the afternoon because she spent all day working on her still, as yet, unfinished paper on crazy topic.
Daddy and Collin had a blast making some kind of ugly egg that Mommy has no heart to eat because she judges books by their covers and even unpeeled, she'll remember that it was ugly on the outside.
He got TWO Easter baskets because Grandpa and Nana Debby sent him a way more awesome Easter basket than the one Daddy and Mommy made for him. Way to show us up, guys! Kidding, he loved it. Hilariously though, in the way kids have a way of frustrating your expectations, I wanted him to go straight for the monkey slippers that I picked. He went straight for the 99-cent sheet of stickers.
Eventually, he got to the monkey slippers; after, I forced them on his feet. Don't they look cute? There was a theme, damn it! Monkey slippers! Monkey stickers! Monkey pencil! Monkey pencil case! Monkey everything! He loved it! Why! Why! Why wouldn't he put on the damn slippers! Kids! Again, stickers reign supreme in this house but at least he's wearing the slippers! And kick two-three-four! All the signs are beginning to add up to something weird here. Strut, Collin. Strut.
It wouldn't be a post without Bryon's behind, would it? But, it is the slippers, the stickers and the behind, all in one picture. Tee-hee.