Tuesday, June 30, 2009

OCD Anyone?

So, I'm watching Collin quickly become as crazy as I was as a toddler. I have been heralded with stories of how I obsessively wanted seven, only seven, not six, not eight mini-marshmallows before bed every night and lord help anyone who tried to put me to bed without them. I've been told that I had litanies of "special" phrases that had to be repeated in order or I wouldn't go to sleep.

Well, my boy is starting to go crazy if he can't line his cars up in perfect rows or stack his blocks just so. And, he's making crazy unreasonable demands on mommy lately. Today, he wants bananas cut in strips, tomorrow he wants it whole. Three days in a row, he wants his bed "closed" to sleep, then for a week, it has to be turned down or the world falls apart. I think he's becoming a nutcase.

Today, for nearly an hour, he built this little pillow fort out on the couch and neatly piled all of his cars into it. It may "seem" like a mess, but it wasn't. Each car was meticulously placed, and if any one fell to the side or moved in any way that wasn't in his master plan, those little feet stomped and he yelled like crazy. I'm pretty sure he's nuts.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Jeepers Creepers, Where'd You Get those Peepers?

Yep, zapppy zap complete! Hooray! I'm so excited. This is me, "before;" the last day with glasses, if you will.

This is me, "after," the last day having to wear absurd goggles taped to my face. It's a little humbling that after high-tech laser beams are zapped in your eyes and they make you able to see the world without the aid of your crappy glasses, they tape these stupid goggles to your face so you don't scratch your eyes out in your sleep. It reminded me of those collars they tape around a dog's neck so they can't over-lick a wound.

Anyhoo, I feel tons better today, being day two. And I didn't even feel bad on day one because I slept all day thanks to some sleeping pill that is apparently strong enough to knock out a herd of wildebeest. But, now I can see 20/15 in both eyes! Wahoo! And no more weird goggles, except when I sleep. And the whole zappy zap? Piece of cake. Anyone thinking of it?Do it! Do it! Do it!

It even comes with a free bowl of popcorn! Not really, I just thought this was a cute picture of Collin munching :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

To the Moon with you, Collin!

I let Bryon watch 2001: A Space Odyssey on Father's Day. Admittedly, I moderately liked it. We left the evidence of our geekdom out for Collin to find the next morning, and apparently, I'm falling down on my training in teaching my son in all things "boy;" because he saw the astronaut on the cover and was astounded and amazed at what this person could be. Thus, a long and tedious morning of conversations about what an astronaut is, what one does and what is the grand and vastness of space. Oh boy!

I have spent the next four days trying to get a video to upload that won't. Sorry grandparents. But, guess what Collin has decided? He wants to be an astronaut! We have been zooming to the potty in pretend zero gravity, turning the lights on with our feet, all kinds of silliness. And, we've learned that because a great number of astronauts are also in the AF, we should not, probably, be kissing them. It's sort of a policy the military has. Well, it's okay for him to kiss the girl ones (if it doesn't interfere with the mission, of course...I do, fully expect my son, who will attain the position of astronaut to be a stud). Anyhoo, that's what the video is about.

Alas, today I decided that I would like to send him on his first moonwalk early as this is what I discovered upon going to wake him from nap.

He demolished his room, stripped his bed of all but the fitted sheet, and took all of his clothes out of the drawers before settling into sleep.

Apparently, he did it in stealth mode because I heard none of this on the baby monitor. Seriously. Either that, or I'm the worst mother on the planet. I choose to think he's stealthy...and cute.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Reasons We Need a Bigger House

1. Collin would appreciate it if we bought him a large saltwater aquarium, big enough to accommodate starfish, stingrays, sharks and the numerous tank-cleaning and fish-feeding divers we saw at the Long Beach Aquarium this weekend. I've decided petting a starfish was good enough for him.

2. This.

The track that encompasses our entire patio and the three cars is only part, nay, about half of the track that comes with the thing.

Yes, it's cool. Yes it's awesome. Yes, the kid loves it. Yes, it's battery powered and amazing. It was Bryon's favorite toy as a child and it's lasted and been saved for what, eons now to be handed down. Where are we going to keep it? Who the heck knows? It is, after all, the size of a small country. But, Can you resist this face on there? Not when he was giving rides to his teddy bears.

And not, when he was helping to set the table the next morning. Maybe he knows he got the goods.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Collin Takes a Meeting then Feels the Burn

Daddy took the day off today so that I could get my eyes dilated in preparation for laser beam surgery next week and so that I could go to the dentist in preparation for well, nothing at all, just routine cleaning. When Daddy takes leave, it really means nothing to the family except that he doesn't actually get dressed and leave the house for work, he just puts his computer on the kitchen table and uses his cell phone instead of a phone that is likely on a desk in a cubicle at work. Oh, and those nifty leave days get deducted from his leave account somehow, despite the fact that he's actually "working" anyway. Go figure.

But, because the two computers were lined up next to one another and the two "men" were right next to each other at the table, it looked like they were both at the meeting. Homer too, now that he's well enough to take meetings too. It was a little cute. No one had to know that one of them was looking at pictures of himself on the blog, an activity he demands often, of late. No one said that I wasn't raising a vain little monster!

After his brief pow-wow with the big wigs though, he felt it important to get a little workout in. Despite his best efforts, he found Mommy's weights a little too heavy and decided that he should stick with what Daddy offered him. I won't show you the picture of Daddy flipping off the camera. No, that wouldn't be complimentary, would it? Instead, I'll show you adorable Collin, trying to imitate Mommy exercising, since Daddy doesn't provide a good example of exercise. Tee hee. See, Mommy picks on Daddy, is it any wonder he flipped me off?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

To Hell in a Handbasket

So, I'm certain that cookies for breakfast is not a good idea. I know that cookies are nowhere on the food pyramid and are not part of a balanced breakfast; but the little guy does ask for them all the time and what can I say? I'm a sucker for his cuteness. No, I don't give in all the time. Okay, never. Never, do I give in! Just this one time! I swear!

But, clearly it was the beginning of evil tidings for the next few days. He got it in his head that once he had a cookie for breakfast, it was then a good idea to strangle Mommy with her sweat towel from the treadmill. I ask you, if you are going to be killed by any implement in the house, should it be with your own sweat? I guess if the murderer is so cute, it's not so bad.

Then, he decided an all out coup of parental units, replacing us with the grandparents, that is. He figured that Granny and Granddad were more fun and would prefer them to boring, stuffy, rule-making Mommy and Daddy; all this of course, resulting from my giving him an inch with that whole cookie for breakfast thing. Never again! Kidding, of course. Granny and Granddad make him follow the same rules. They are just better at disguising the rules as fun than we are.

I learned my lesson. No more cookies for breakfast little man...unless of course you are cute and sweet and say wonderful things to me; like today. I spent the last two and a half days with a terrible migraine in bed. I asked him this morning how it makes him feel when I'm sick, fearing that it scared him and I was ready with a reassuring speech. He said, "No like when Mama sick! Give Collin boo boo in heart!" Awww, that's it! Cookies for breakfast every day!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Parlez-Vous Collin?

So, Collin has decided we can move to Paris. At least, that's what I've deduced from his enjoyment of our lunch yesterday. We went to Santa Monica and they have a Crepe Cafe. (P.S. you'll note that I've not bothered to figure out where the appropriate accent marks are for the duration of this post; so, sorry to the French but I shall butcher the correct spellings!).

The initial plan was hot dogs on the pier. When I saw Cafe Crepe with a little Eiffel Tower in the window, I actually squealed and since Bryon cannot deny me anything, we ate there instead. Can you tell that I'm super happy to be there?
Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Brie, Prosciutto and Egg. I want to live there; France that is, not the cafe. Seriously. And Collin decided that his Parisian version of a hot dog was A-Okay. He was even delighted with the Swiss Emmental cheese and Bechamel Sauce. My little gourmand.

He was also not to unhappy with the bonus crepe we ordered to share since it was sugar and cinnamon filled and just delicious. Who wouldn't be happy with that? I think I'll have no trouble convincing him to be my little Euro-travel partner.

He then passed a delightful day learning to play skee-ball for the first time. Folks, did you know, that skee-ball is NOT an overhand game?

Yeah, I was pretty sure I knew that before we played too; but, a refresher is always good.
With Collin handicapping our score, we won two army men with our amassed five tickets; not that Daddy's skee-ball skills helped any (read: Daddy sucks at skee-ball)

He also got to ride the ferris wheel overlooking the ocean. He was pretty sure it went "up high" but he was pretty impressed with how "up high" it went. He kept saying it, over and over and over again. It was a bit much since we were maybe, one of three people on there and we got to spend a long time waiting to unload.
And, he got to, of course, ride the carousel. What would a trip to the pier be without a ride on the carousel? Looks petrified in the photos doesn't he? I assure you, he wasn't. He alternated between pure awe and squeals of glee. Unfortunately, we only clicked the shutter on shots of awe. No glee.

Nope, we didn't make him ride a chariot

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Collin had so much fun at the zoo today that he decided to run away from us and live there. Fine by us.
Just kidding, of course. We were reunited and he has decided that he would, of course, like to live with us until we are legally allowed to kick his behind out at eighteen. It's eighteen, right? He's being a pain lately and if it's really two, I'd like to know about it.

You might wonder why we have almost no pictures of such a wonderful day at the zoo. He was actually extraordinarily well-behaved; so much so, that he got a whole pack of animal crackers in the car on the way home! Anyway, it is because a two year old at the zoo moves at approximately the speed of light. At least this one does. I could show you the dozens of pictures I have of me, or Bryon smiling and Collin's leg at the edge of the frame. Would those interest you?

And no, no he didn't crash in the car on the way home. I'm beginning to wonder who's sneaking into our house in the morning, feeding this kid sugar smacks and crack and spiking his milk with speed because he's become a complete lunatic of late. Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! You're killing your parents, Collin!

Why Tarps Were Invented

If you see this truck next to you on the 405, on the way to the zoo, is it a bad omen? And, what's the deal with the pink ones? Tarp, Mr. Truck Driver, tarp. You cover dung, dirt, even loads of nothing. But loads of coffins? Nope. Let the world just take a gander. Shouldn't freak anyone out. No, siree.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Hooray! Computer Nirvana!

So, my laptop, the other center of my universe, took a dive this week. A serious dive. A dive to the deep end. An unrecoverable dive. You might blame it on a few dives off the kitchen table, a few dives off the arm of the couch, a few dives off the bathroom counter (don't ask what it was doing in there); all caused by the actual center of my universe (yes, of course, Collin). The problem was deemed to be complete hard drive failure. We had to buy a new one. Bryon decided that since I use it so much, he'd buy me an extra present too: one of those mini computers for just the Internet and word processing functions for all my writing. Awesome. Anyway, despite wishing all technology complete death as of last week, I'm in computer nirvana this week.

Collin has taken all of this in stride. Perhaps because I went to a garage sale over the weekend and discovered a joyous thing: a jumbo version of his $1 stocking stuffer that he's been dragging all over the house for the past solid month. It also cost me $1 and has brought him much joy. What is with this kid and erasable magnetic drawing boards? Just wait until he discovers the Etch-a-Sketch! All bets are off, boy! I love that he can't put one down to play with the other.
And, he got garbage manny back! Mommy took him away last week when he peed his pants on purpose. It was the first, and only (hopefully) time he'd ever done it. Grrr, I was so mad. Anyway, I forgot I took it away! So, did Collin, I think. So, when he got it back, the reunion was sweet, to say the least. Have you ever seen a kid hug a plastic truck? If only he loved me that way. If only. Maybe I need to put myself up on top of the hutch for a week and see what happens.
And, to say Collin was pleased to see Daddy come back from Canada would be an understatement. He was a bit disappointed that his Canadian souvenir was a hockey jersey; but that may be because he doesn't know that hockey is good, violent, boy fun! He'll figure it out soon enough. Isn't it in their DNA? He looks cute anyway though, right? But, weird Canadians, apparently, this is a size 2-4!! What?!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Ups and Downs of Johnny Sparkles

So, it's been raining a bit here. That's rough news for the C-man. Really rough. He takes it especially rough when his Mama doesn't look out the dang window before putting him in the stroller, opening the garage door and rolling him out into the street to go to the park. Yep, I felt a bit of a breeze. Sure, a droplet. I thought, heck, it'll pass before we even get to the corner. Nope, it started pouring before we got to the bottom of the driveway and we had to turn back. Did he cope with this well? No. No he didn't.

Alas, we got over it by the next day. Yes, it was a rough day in entirety for that WHOLE freaking day! You'd think I cut out his gizzard or something. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! The next day, I didn't make up for it. I promised him a trip to the mall for a haircut, which he has been asking for (darn it, knew I should've held off!). We get there, and I realized that I forgot my wallet. Had to turn around and go home...not a quick trip! He was a bit disappointed to say the least. Try telling a two-year-old to just enjoy the beautiful ocean scenery. He was not amused.

To make up for it, I did what everyone should give me a medal for...glitter crafts! I cut out little fishies out of florescent poster board and we made glue patterns and dumped pounds (yes, I'm sure that's the closest approximation of volume) of glitter on them. I think my house is more glitter per square foot now than anything else. Know what? I should've washed his hands before I let him pee. Know what I did NOT take a picture of? His little man unit that remained coated in glitter for the remainder of the day. Know what else though? I decided to call him and his little man unit Johnny Sparkles until it is no longer funny to me. Seriously, it was dressed up like a Vegas showgirl down there. I did, however take a few pictures that do not do justice to just how sparkle-infested he actually was.

Then, we hit meltdown. He has gotten up at around 6 every day this week. Don't ask me why. Apparently, his bladder has made this decision for him and he has been reluctant to get his "cowboy" wet (aka pull-up). I should be happy since it is a step toward nighttime dryness, but I just wish he'd go back to bed. I'm also a bit irritated that he decided that along with getting up 2 hours earlier than normal, he decided that skipping nap was the way to go about business today. He was also similarly unamused by his decision. Thankfully, these are a rare, rare, rare treat. For three days, I've tried to upload a video of this special occasion (the tantrum, followed by it's abrupt end sparked by a piece of trash discovered in the couch cushion and a burped "I love you"). Alas, my computer hasn't cooperated; so, you all get nothing. Aren't you bummed about not getting to see a shrieking kid?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

What I Don't Have Pictures Of....

So, you get random other pictures from the last two days that I found amusing. Of course, I always find him amusing.

Collin "holding" his breath today.

So cute! He had the hiccups and I told him to hold his breath. In typical, literal-taking-two-year-old fashion, he sucked in his breath, cupped his hands in front of his mouth and held all the breath that he exhaled.

Collin getting a "certificate" for helping me carry bread in the grocery store...

I let him carry a baguette to the checkout stand. He proudly plopped it on the register and when the checkout lady handed him the receipt for all his hard work, I told him to hold onto it. Apparently, he felt this was a reward and he thought it was a certificate. Ha! He was pretty proud of it. His prideful accomplishment wore off by the time we got home. Thank goodness I didn't have to frame a Von's receipt! But, how adorable was it to hear him shouting, "Collin cefificate!" Yeah, that's how he says it, with two f's.

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Cowboy Considers the Navy

Collin visited the Queen Mary this weekend with Daddy, Granddaddy and PJ.

He thought it was pretty awesome.

He also thought it was pretty exhausting and gave Daddy the illusion of snuggle up nap time. It was a sweet thought.

And, now that Daddy's gone for yet another week, Collin has let his true colors shine through and has revealed that yes, he loves my new boots as much as I do. He snuck into my closet and put them on. Is this adorable, or what? Sure, I cut his head off in the shot, but I was a little worried about him falling down the stairs in boots that were twenty sizes too big for him. What can I say? I think he pulls them off, don't you?