What I Think Wednesday

Ahem, hold on a moment while I pull out my soap box….

So, a long time ago I made myself a promise that I would stop worrying myself over what everyone else thought of me and to care more about what I thought of myself. That is an easier promise said than done. Think about that for a moment. It means that every time you overhear someone say something about you, every time you see someone roll their eyes, or you imagine someone taking a second look at you when you think you are having a bad hair day, you have to quiet that self doubtful voice in your head that judges, questions or even rewards.

This became more of a challenge when I had my son and then one day, it became easier. I let things go. I let people go. I let everything go. I realized that to be an effective mother, I had to be a good model. I had to show my son that I had to truly, honestly believe that I am the best me I can be, even if I didn’t always know what I was doing. In other words, I had to believe that I was okay with myself even when I was wrong. I also had to show my son that it’s not okay to be anything other than this.

Being at a place of peace in myself, as a constant struggle, has shown me that the negativity that comes from passing judgment on others comes from a place of insecurity. It is a constant struggle to resist the temptation to fall back to the place of worrying over security of my own identity, a struggle that I think we must all find ourselves in, whether it is in our parenting, our image, anything. But, when we make frivolous, silly comments or judgmental statements of others, we only reflect our own struggle and it makes us all smaller.

Rather than spending hours hashing over in my mind a small comment made by a small individual, thinking of how the dozens of friends I have would disagree with said individual, or said individuals, and how my husband and son would find them insane, and how I could rationalize them away, it dawns on me, the point is we can all do the same rationalization with anyone’s disagreeable commentaries. Everyone is different. We all have our own individual reasons for doing anything that we do. Anything. Ever. So long as no one is hurting anyone and we are all loving our families and being the best people we can be, making our way in this world, why sit in angry, purposeless judgment of one another anyway? Hurtful, mean things, said in spite are just fuel for pointless anger?

A friend of mine has a wonderful quote on her Facebook page that I think is wonderful, (don’t we all just love Facebook), it says, “Being authentic only really hurts those that aren’t. It angers the people that haven’t really come to know how to be vulnerable.” Warren Buffet said it. Who cares about Warren Buffet, but it’s a good point. When you are a real “you” it’s obvious and you aren’t wearing any amour and because of that, those people who are not authentic, and who do hide behind insecurity, feel it is okay to throw judgmental jabs at you. Trust me, our authenticity is protection enough from the harmful words. Knowing who you are is much better than being able to laugh at a joke that you think is funny.

And now, my soap box is put back away. So there, no one be talking about me behind my back no more.