I Have Survived

I returned home today, battle-hardened from my weekend away from my sweet-faced little boy; you know, the one who infested me with snotty germs just in time for me to leave the house and incubate them in my own body so I could start feeling like crap the second night away from home. I worried endlessly about leaving, returning, calling enough, checking in enough, all of it.

I cried from the time I got up on Friday morning until the time I left the driveway and sobbed intermittently until I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel when I sort of told myself that I'd better pull it together or I'd look like a lunatic. I promised myself that I'd try to meet some new people at this conference of mine and since it was for writers, pretend that I was at least, trying to be one (since I am!). And, I would also sort of self-time my sadness and make every effort to not bring up my longing to go home and kiss my son for at least the first thirty seconds of a conversation with someone new. I thought I should let them get to know me first, you know, REALLY "get" that I'm a psycho first.

But, Collin survived without me. And I survived without him. Mostly because I have the best husband on the planet. I got text messages constantly. I was updated on his mucus production, on how much dinner he ate and whether he cried for five minutes or six seconds at bedtime. I knew whether he liked his evening walk and that he played with his new fish toy in the tub...all without sneaking away from sessions to chat. I love technology, don't you?

And, when I did get to make a phone call, I did that obnoxious thing we all do when we have kids who totally can't talk yet...I made him put Collin on. So, everyone around me could here me shouting, "HI PEANUT! SAY HI TO MAMA!" over and over and over again. Yep, obnoxious. Did I care? Nope. You know why? Because he was babbling my name into the air "around" the phone. That means he loves me, right?

When I got home, he was in the process of refusing his afternoon nap, which to me says that he was so too excited to sleep because he simply knew I'd be there any minute. I was rewarded with the bounty of a half-toothed grin and the best an eighteen month-old can give you by way of affection, especially a boy: acquiescence when you shower him with kisses. Heck, he even laughed and smiled when they went on for well over a minute.

So, while he didn't throw himself on the floor in racking sobs or go on a hunger strike until I came home, I was actually able to dress and breathe without him too. I made a couple of friends and I as even able to form coherent sentences about my actual work to real people who can help me with it instead of just asking if they'd like to see a picture of my kid. So, overall it was good for both of us but I don't think I'll be signing myself up for another trip anytime soon.