He Loves Me! He Loves Me!

I vowed, when Collin was an infant, that I'd have one of those babies who never needs rocking in the middle of the night, and always sleeps like a dream. We all know how deciding how our baby will behave works out for us, right? Well, seems like this decision actually stuck...too well.

By never picking him up at night when he cried and putting him directly to his own crib the minute he came home from his hospital, eschewing all that co-sleeping stuff and simply plunking the pacifier into his mouth when he fussed at night, whispering a few sweet words and then backing away, I created an anti-snuggle monster. These days, for his bedtime story, he won't even sit on our laps. He insists on listening to it from the comfort of his crib while we stand above and turn the pages for him, cinema-style. I actually kept him on his night-time bottle for months longer than I should've just for that extra snuggle at night.

During the day, he'll sit with me and read stories, and breeze by for a quick hug or perhaps a kiss, which is all too similar to a lick from the dog, but overall, he's an independent kid. I have only myself to blame. I know. But, it'd be nice for him to crave a cuddle after a nightmare or to want to climb into bed with me now and then.

I've pulled him into bed with me on "treat" mornings for a half hour of story time or so before getting dressed to just laze about and snuggle with him, even though he is mostly just bouncing about. This is one of my favorite pictures of us on a "treat morning." They usually fall apart into rolling around, giggling, tickling-fests because I'm trying to get him to relax and either flip through pages or just curl up and he's a bundle of energy because he just got up and he wants to jump and play and poke my face.

Last night, I upset the apple cart by pulling him out of his crib to hold him when he was half asleep, just for a hug that failed miserably because it of course, woke him and he thought, whoa, playtime in the middle of the night!

But today, I got a bonus. I took him to the park, as per usual, but it was deserted. He wanted to swing, but not in the baby swing. He wanted to sit across my lap and swing huddled against my chest. I've tried this with him more times than I can count and he usually decides, after about two pumps, that he's done and arches to get off, nearly killing himself in the process.

Today, he swung with me for at least ten minutes, humming and nuzzling against me. We looked at birds, we sang songs. I smelled his baby hair and kissed his forehead more times than I could count. Then, it was over and he ran free for an hour on the playground, not needing my assistance, or wanting me at all.

I tell him every morning that my kiss-o-meter is low and that he MUST give me kisses or I won't survive the day and he obliges by licking my face at least three or four times. I think he must know when my snuggle meter is low too, and without my telling him or asking, he does something like this and leaves me floating for weeks.