My Shame

I have a confession: I'm a grown woman who doesn't know how to purchase make-up. At all. Seriously.

I buy it only when I run out of whatever I last bought, and that usually means they have discontinued whatever it is I last bought because I wear so little, and so rarely, that it has been that long between purchases and I end up in a cold sweat in the drugstore aisle pondering what the hell to buy. Whipped foundation? Really? Am I supposed to eat it?

So, as I watched my foundation getting all oily and gucky over the last few days/weeks/months, I thought to myself, I'd get on the ball and start eyeballing the stuff early and maybe decide what to get ahead of time. I started perusing the aisle during my prescription wait time, and making notes in my phone about what color I thought I might be, etc. They were always OUT of whatever color I actually was.

I finally got online last night and ordered some stuff and now I just have to wait for it to come so I can look beautiful (or exactly the same way I always do because it will sit in my cupboard and I will be afraid to apply it as it will come in a different form than the last item I owned and thus get all gucky).

I hate make-up. Why don't they have a make-up class in junior high? They should sit us all down and instruct us in the finer arts of being a girl so we don't end up being 32 years old and not know how to operate a mascara wand, eyeliner and curling irons. Seriously. I feel like I've failed somewhere. Thank God I don't have a daughter.

Someone come over and teach me these things. Especially the eye stuff. I look like shit lately. I think it might help trick people into thinking I'm sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night so they stop asking me, "are you doing okay?" and "boy, it's getting rough on you, isn't it?" I know they are being nice, and it's nice that they are concerned, and it's genuinely nice that they care, but not when I know that they care because I look like crap. I'm well aware that I look like crap. You would too if you slept on your desk and woke up with your face smeared into the spiral part of your notebook. Is there a makeup trick to cover that?