Friday Night Confessions

Confession Number 1:
I have come to the startling realization that I'm a super geek. Here's why:

I want to go to this.

An Evening with Leonard Nimoy

Really, really, really badly. He's coming to campus next month. It's not cheap. Damn.

Why, might you ask? I have come to the Star Trek party late in life. Late as in, say the past year. I have discovered that if I meet this man, I might actually fall in love with him. In a very real way. He's so darn sexy. In actuality, I may wear this.

And ask him to sign the heart.

As it stands right now, I don't have anyone to go with, and I think it's too sad to go to an event that will be filled with 40-year-old, single, fat, sweaty guys, and/or stalkers and be there alone.

Confession Number 2:
I'm afraid to admit this...I made the worst parenting decision of my life today. I mean ever. Really. Ever. I feel like if I don't admit it out loud, I might make a similar mistake. Somehow, getting it off my chest, makes it go away.

I let Collin watch Beowulf with me. Good God, I forgot how violent it was. He was home sick and I literally plan EVERY single second of my homework down to the millisecond. There's not a lot of wiggle room. I had it planned to watch that today when he was at school. He was drifting in and out of consciousness and it was rated PG-13.

I knew it was violent. I knew it had monsters. Heck, I figured he's seen monsters. He's seen violence. He watches Star Wars all the time, right? He can handle this. What's the difference between Jabba the Hutt and Grendel? A Wampa and Grendel's Mother?

While we're at it, there's another confession in there: why the crap do I know ALL the Star Wars monsters, including the obscure ones, and all the aerial vehicles, ground vehicles and weaponry? I'm beginning to geek out in way more ways than I'm comfortable with, thanks to having a son.

Anyway, I figured it wouldn't phase him and it's ONE movie. He even liked Little Shop of Horrors. Can you tell, I'm rationalizing? Besides, the last movie he selected in his sleepy, sick haze, he slept through 3/4 of. I figured I was in the clear.

Why didn't I remember that THIS....

was violent...and a little scary for a kid?

Oh. My. God. The worst part? I didn't turn it off. What was I thinking? The carnage. The blood. The men being eaten. The heads being ripped off and bodies lampooned on spears. The dragon's heart being ripped out of his body, still beating. Dude. Super cool. So Badass. The reason I'm in medieval studies. The reason I love what I do. However, not what I want my four year old to be watching. Note this as the moment my child went from sweet to a sociopath and that I'm the reason. In my defense, the last version of Beowulf I watched, last weekend, Grendel looked a heck of a lot like a man. I totally forgot he looked this evil and scary in this one. Note as well that I remember thinking: I'm glad I didn't let Collin watch this as I watched last weekend's version. So, duh on this one, but I digress.

I got totally wrapped up in the movie because, of course, I love it. I eat it up. I can't get enough of Old English and Middle English and I peeked over at him enough times to tell that he was awake about half of the time. Too much. He saw enough violence in half that movie to have lasted him his entire pre-adolescence.

His response:

"Mommy, I'm not sure I liked that. It was a little scary but Beowulf...he's pretty brave. I should be like him. I'll fight bad monsters for you. That Queen was pretty. What was her name?" I'm so relieved that my child is not easily frightened, but that will not be a mistake I make again. This folks, is why I stay up until all hours of the night doing my homework and spend my child's wakeful hours with him. Not because I normally do "inappropriate" homework like watching scary movies, but because my child and I should just hang out and be kids, right?

If anyone ever says, "you pick" for a movie suggestion involving children, please don't hold me responsible, at least for the next six months. I'm on probation. I feel awful. Someone please tell me the worst thing you did to your kids so I can feel some relief. We have all had a "moment" haven't we? Please? Or, just silently judge me. I know I am.