Mommy's Caviar Dreams

When you live in California, it's easy to get used to pretty awesome stuff...like this. Clear days, gorgeous sky, crisp blue water. You name it...perfection.

Sure, we don't live here exactly. This is Granny's town. She has the pretty rock. But, this nice view, this nice rock, this nice boardwalk stroll; it all starts to get into the blood and become expected. At least for me, anyway. Then, it starts to become a problem. I start to expect MORE!

Like, maybe a gorgeous house, with perhaps a view of this awesome stuff. I don't know, maybe a terrace that overlooks all this stuff. Something with a little guest cottage. Maybe something like this.

Yes, this is the guest house...of Hearst Castle. I'm pretty sure that I could live here. Just in the guest house. I wouldn't expect to live in the main house or anything. That would be rude. Sort of asking too much, I think. Besides, the guest house has this view from the terrace. I could suffer it, I think.

Oh, and did I mention my pool? There's an indoor pool too, but I think I'd probably use the outdoor pool more often because, I mean, who wouldn't? The indoor pool is only coated with real gold tile and is actually too gorgeous to imagine. But this, yeah, I could swim here. It's like the Vegas came here to come up with things to imitate. Hmm, the classy version of Vegas. The statues and stuff are actually real art dragged in from classic Europe. I wanted to touch it! Of course, I also didn't want to go to jail.

So, I decided that I should definitely get to live here. I plotted and schemed and thought about it. I told Collin about the place and he was in on it too. He was pretty sure that he liked the idea too, despite the fact that he didn't get to see the place. Yeah, Granny got to babysit Collin ALL day. She loved it! Mommy was nervous and missed her baby like crazy. Still, we both survived the day and everyone was happy. That is, until I told him about the signs plastered all over the place about patrol dogs being on duty after hours and the surveillance cameras everywhere. He talked me out of squatting on the property. Something about all the priceless art and artifacts makes me think they wouldn't take to kindly to me moving in.

So, Collin is back to eating take-out Jack-in-the-Box on the way back to our military housing in good old San Pedro. He looks pleased, right? I think he looks disappointed to have lost access to the best diggs in history. You know who else looks disappointed? The lady in the background who wonders why the crazy lady with the camera is taking so many pictures in a fast food joint in the middle if central California. Still, I learned that Hearst was inspired to build his great house after spending a year and a half abroad with his mother as a young boy. So, I'm busy trying to convince Bryon that I should get to take Collin to Europe on a "formative" experience for a year.

Bryon seems unenthusiastic about this plan. He keeps saying something about money. Collin, however has recovered from his disappointment because yes, he is getting to watch "Nemo" today. Anything is better when you can watch Nemo!

Why Collin's Life is Awesome

So, we all know that Thursday is the best. I mean, what isn't great about garbage day? It's pretty much the end-all-be-all of Collin's existence; especially since I've given up the ghost and let him put off nap time in the afternoon until he comes back as the recycling man in the afternoon and let him stay up to watch him drive by again. That means he gets to see the big blue truck drive by FOUR times. Yeah, we live in a sort of cul de sac, so he goes around a loop and back and it's pretty cool to see him go by in the a.m. as the garbage man and then the p.m. as the recycling guy. If he changed hats or something, it'd be like he was a superhero. How can I top this day? Well, with a cookie. Yeah, I gave him his first taste of what I like to call Mommy crack. While we waited for the guy to make his second round of the day, in order to stretch out the time, I gave him a treat. I wanted a cookie, so I gave him one. The girl scouts delivered them the other day and I couldn't resist them so I gave in. I'm pretty sure he liked it. What I didn't like was that the garbage man pulled up while he was eating it so he was covered with chocolate when we went out to meet the guy. Gross and embarrassing. Did I mention he wasn't wearing any pants because I had to strip him in the garage because he was covered in mud from the park? So, I had a pantsless, chocolate covered kid waving at the garbage man? Classy.

Anyway, how do you top that? With a trip to Granny's of course! Collin's pretty geeked about that. He wanted to go so badly that he jumped right in the suitcase. We convinced him to get out of there and ride in the car seat of course, but he was eager to go nonetheless. It was a pretty easy ride up, especially since he had monkey and blankie. Mommy even got to do some shopping at the outlet mall. It's amazing how fast she can get in and out of the J.Crew outlet! Yes, I spent money.

Daddy's favorite part of the Granny visit so far? Eating hugs. When we go out to eat, Collin finds it essential to hug him mid-meal. Can that be any sweeter? It's adorable. I prefer not to sit near Collin for precisely this reason because while it is totally sweet, his hands are usually covered with food and my clothes get hand prints on them. Is that awful?

Ewwww...A Kiss!

What more needs to be said, really?

By way of explanation, Collin and I were in the throes of a camera lesson. I was teaching him how to take a picture by pressing the button. He took some real stunners of the cat, the carpet and the couch cushions. Then, I showed him how to take some self-portraits, like the one above, by holding our arms out with the camera. Then, of course, I tricked him with the kiss moment. Yeah, the aim is off and we have more plant than picture; but, he squirms and it's still cute.

Meanwhile, while he looks tortured, he's become the sweetest kid on the planet when it comes to nap and bedtime. He has this new habit of wanting to snuggle on my lap and tell me all about his day. I give him free reign to talk endlessly and I ask him open ended questions, allowing him to elaborate. Sometimes, I get weird, outlandish tales that amount to nothing more than weird lies (like all he ate all day was ice cream). Sometimes, it's adorable. Like yesterday, by bedtime he was finally ready to admit, without prompting that he had, indeed, hit Gracie on purpose and he was concerned that she was sad. Awwww. Maybe I don't feel so badly about stealing a kiss.

Any Excuse for Cake

The day may not have started off looking so great. I mean, who wants to wake up being greeted with a camera, with a flash, stuck in your face? Well, I certainly don't. Still, that's how, all too frequently, my poor kid is greeted. Otherwise, how else would I get such winners as this?

And this?

And this? I'm pretty sure he used to have eyes. By the way...this is a pretty tame morning as far as the "messed up" hair thing goes. I've given up fixing it anymore. It looks like a rat's nest all the time.

Yeah, I know they are all great, right? Or not. I think this one is blurry because he's using his evil glare powers to destroy the picture. He's learning his "dirty look" from me. It's the face I give Bryon when he says he's leaving town again.

But, his day was bound to improve when I told him that it's his only cousin's birthday. What's in this for him, he wonders? Well, since Michael is far, far away, we don't get to have cake with him; but we can have cake in spirit. (Do you think my kid needs an excuse for cake...don't worry, it's angel food, and a small slice!) So, I told him if he could say "happy birthday, Michael," he could have cake.

Yeah, he said it. No surprise. In fact, he said it, running down the stairs, running through the kitchen, running to his chair and then pounding on the tray. Of course, the minute the camera is on, I have to coax it out of him by taking the plate away from him; but, whatever. Happy Birthday, Michael!

P.S. Michael, sorry that by the time he cooperated for the video, all you got was some incoherent babbling followed by "happy Michael!" It's all your gonna get. He's two! You know how it is.

Concentrate

When I learned long division, I cried. Literally. I remember breaking down in tears at the thought of remainders. They stumped me beyond belief. Why, why, why, would there be such a thing as R something-or-other? It just wasn't neat and tidy enough. And, all that diagonal-looking math as the problem solved itself out. It just bothered me.

Then, when we got to algebra and there were all these other letters that didn't always neatly arrange themselves either, I broke down in tears again. What was forgivable and could've been considered cute in fourth grade, because you can get away with tears when you are that little, became embarrassing in seventh grade. Yeah, I cried again. I just couldn't help it. Math is hard!

Then, I learned to concentrate. I also learned that sucking on Starburst candy helps with that. I also learned that if I concentrate too hard when sucking on Starburst candy, I can forget to suck back all the subsequent juice that accumulates in my mouth and I can accidentally drool on my math tests. Alas, it's embarrassment all over again! So, it's plain to see how I didn't become an engineer and how I stuck with the arts-based classes, like English and creative writing.

But, I'm seeing that for Collin to concentrate, he's sticking with the old tongue hanging out trick. He does it a lot. Just so long as he doesn't move his lips when he reads, he's going to be just fine. Oh yeah, and just so long as he doesn't jam a Starburst wrapper in his ear, to be discovered months and months later by a doctor at a routine checkup, that's good too. (Yeah, his Daddy did that one. What can I say, we both have Starburst issues.)

For now, Mommy will just help him out of that embarrassing "concentration" face jam by just reading to him. I'd hate for him to get caught on film like that one too many times!

What Looks Sweet....

Now, while this looks so sweet, it almost makes your teeth ache, it's a brief moment of awwwww-ness for the day. Okay, I exaggerate. They were sweet today. In fact, Gracie has this adorable habit of insisting on hugging Collin, which Collin has picked up on as well. But, she's got another new habit--pushing Collin. He's not so keen on this new trick of hers.

It's sort of a greeting. "Hi Collin! Let me wallop you!" Then, down he goes. It's sort of pitiful really because he thinks, hey, a hug is coming. Then alas, it's not. Today, the explanation for such a push was, "but he has letters on his jacket!" Apparently, if you are wearing any part of the alphabet, that means you should eat dirt. I'll remember that the next time I get dressed.

But, thankfully when it comes to watching crows picking at what could only be bits of garbage strewn in the grass, pushing gets thrown out the window and Collin clearly needs to be held up, steered in the right direction. She is a big sister now, after all. And, this is so cute to watch. What's even cuter, is Collin's pained expressions when he turns around, like "geez, get me outta here," and "how much longer do I have to humor this?" But, he's patient and he tolerates it. I guess watching scavenger birds will do that to his disposition.

Just don't try to take his truck! Or, if you are Mommy, his picture while he's playing with said truck. Or, you will wind up with one of two things, a bunch of sand dumped on your hair or a camera memory card full of pictures of the back of your kid's head, his hands, his feet or maybe even the ground as he runs by at full speed to dump sand in the bed of the darn thing.

Wahoo Weekend!

When Daddy comes home, Daddy really brings it home! We had to go out to eat on Friday night when he came home, half because Mommy was tired of cooking all week without the assistance of tag-team Daddy and half because the gas went out on our block from about three to about seven-thirty. Oh, can I help it if I craved Rubio's, which just happens to be at the mall where J.Crew is? And, can I help it if I knew Daddy would be in a present giving mood after being gone all week? Can I help it if I knew he'd think Mommy looked cute in a Hawaiian flower shirt and new jeans? Oh, Daddy's so playable. Just like a little violin. Or, he's sweet. (Doesn't he look thrilled with his purchase? At least I didn't make him try it on!)

Then, Collin decided, on a whim, to be more adorable than usual and be willing to wear his choo-choo hat for an extended period of time. He actually got mad if we took it off. Can this be any cuter? I think not.

Then, on Saturday we had a rockin party to go to. Collin's the man, you know. He's got all kinds of social engagements to attend. This one was in a gated community, no less...ours. Tee hee. Anyway, Collin determined that he was mildly afraid of the bouncy castle this time but occasionally thought it was awesome so we shall only post pictures of his extreme joy and not of his terror because that would make us look like horrible parents who put their kid in situations that freak him out, right? Proportionately he spent about 2% of his time in here, despite the mass photographic evidence of sheer joyful shots that Mommy and Jenn managed to get.

Collin and Mommy had a little bit of fun together in the jump house. He was a little nervous in there without me.
And, admittedly, Mommy and Jenn might have had a little bit of fun in the jump house too. I didn't see anywhere on the rules that big kids couldn't go in there. It did say we weren't supposed to have our glasses on, so don't tell anyone. We might go to jump house jail. Besides, we were just in there helping to make it really bouncy for Paige there in the background. Yeah, that's it. She begged. It was pitiful, really. What were we supposed to do?

He did spend the other portions of his time here, oh say 48%, here. This is their play structure. It has a tunnel, and, lord help us, a pen for parents. At least that's my assessment of the end of it where Collin insisted on corralling Bryon and I for the duration of the daylight hours of the party. It was about a two foot by two foot square and the door actually closed, so it was super fun to hang out there. But, at least Neal showed us the proper escape route. Yeah, that's right Neal, it's posted. It had to be.
The remainder of the time, Collin spent at the table. Eating. What is that 50%? Yeah look, he's all alone. That's because everyone else is done and they've all gone off to play. Collin's take on the situation? There's FOOD to be had, why would anyone go play?

Don't worry, they rejoined their lost comrade for cake. But, he was soon alone again. Until presents, of course. But, he had a bit of trouble with that phase, when I caught him sneakily unwrapping the corner of the big finale present while Austin was distracting the crowd by opening his other presents. So, what tops a bouncy castle, pizza and cake? Going for a run with Daddy and Mommy at a park the next day! Especially if Daddy lets him drink out of the big boy bottle. Sure, he dumped it all over himself and poor, desperately thirsty, overheating Eddie is now dead of heat exhaustion because Collin used all the water to soak the ground and his shirt, but hey, it was cute, right? Don't worry, Eddie licked the ground and got most of the water off the asphalt. Besides, Collin tried to drive us to store to get more water. All in all, it was a pretty good weekend...and it's only noon. Still more to come, right? Wait, except for the part right after this picture when Collin pushed me out of the car and said, "No Mama Car!" and "Push out!"