Now, It's Seven

I liked my way of remembering David last year.

So I'll do it again this year. Seven years now. Things I wish I could say this year:

1. I wish you knew that seven years is a long time. You would've changed so much. In that time, I got married, moved and had a family. Maybe it would've gotten better for you. I wish you'd held on just a little longer. I wish you'd known that.

2. I wish you knew you were worth that amount of time.

3. I wish you knew you were worth any amount of time.

4. I wish you knew Collin DAVID.

5. I wish you could answer me every time I talk to you.

6. I wish I didn't feel so guilty for not coming home for the last few years because I know in the back of my head that your grave is probably really grown over.

7. I wish that I didn't hear songs on the radio that made me think, "that reminds me of my dead friend," or have to start stories about fun times we had that start innocently but then end with the awkward sentence, "but he killed himself"when someone asks more about you.

8. I wish that you were here.

9. I wish I'd never seen what bruises on a 21 year old's neck look like when he's in a casket.

10. I wish to never say these things about anyone I love ever again. 

I'm by no means an expert on suicide prevention or mental health. But, if you or anyone you love is at risk, please get them the appropriate help. There are so many services available in your local community, from your church groups to mental health facilities, to your family and friends. It can never be taken back. This never, ever goes away.