Parenting Fail #3,762

Collin was disgruntled that I stopped a movie he was watching, while in progress yesterday. I have managed, in the nearly four years (gasp!) of his life, to stick to the minimal T.V. rule and yesterday, as he was watching a movie that he'd never seen before, I started asking him questions, like, "who is that character?" and "what are they doing?" He couldn't answer me. Not because he wasn't able to peel his eyes away, but because he was so zoned into the movie that it was just flashing pictures to him and he was a zombie. They might as well have been anything. If you are watching a movie and can't even name one character, it's time to turn it off according to the mantra of Mama. Thus, he was mad; so mad in fact that he took it upon himself to instantly rebel.

Three to five seconds after I turned the movie off, I heard the playroom door slam and then re open with the announcement, "I wrote on the door. And, I did it ON PURPOSE!" So, little boy, you got your revenge. So you think. Your cowboy pen that Granny got you, that was so special? Yep, it's gone. Sorry. Sorry Granny too. Poor pen. We just don't do things like write on our house. And we certainly don't do it as revenge. And, the best part of this whole scenario is I set him up with a bucket and water to clean the mess up and told him he couldn't play until every bit was cleaned off. I probably should've realized that soapy water would've been a party too him. I just hope he doesn't color on more walls as an incentive to get to scrub again. Punishment: backfire. He scrubbed all the shoe scuffs, everything. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

I'm Not Calling Him, Sir. Don't Ask Me.

Last time Bryon got promoted, we'd been dating all of two weeks. We were in the same squadron and Bryon insisted that, at his ceremony, we were two people who still barely knew one another, lest we break up and have it float all over the squadron that "those two, 'you know....'" We ate a lot of leftover cake that weekend, that he promptly kept at my house...where he had already been staying and didn't leave again for um, ever. I consider him a squatter.

This time it's safe to say he is willing to admit we are "together." Things have changed. (P.S. had I known my bra was showing this whole time, I would have "adjusted." Ugh. Donna said she didn't notice and that all she noticed was my skinny waist. I guess she's forgiven).

It is amazing to see the change in our lives of a block of time that a rank means. Our son, our son did his rank with me. Wow.

And as proud as I am of him, listening to the General list his accomplishments, I can't help but realize that this is really the long haul we are in for. Award, award, award, award, all of which Bryon refuses to tell anyone about because that's not his style. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love this life of ours and I can't wait to see where it leads and I'm proud of my husband despite his refusal to be proud of himself. I mean Generals don't take time out of their days to promote Captains to Majors every day. Sometimes, it takes your family to tell you, "you done good."

Oh, and just in case you want to think he's all important; this is the last picture on the camera before the ceremony shots begin.

I cut his hair on Saturday night so he wouldn't look like a ragamuffin. Cleanup is always hilarious to me, especially when it involves nipple vacuuming.

Oh yeah, obligatory, "I love my wife, and she gets flowers for putting up with me when I'm promoted...."

Part two. Aren't they pretty. They smelled so good, they stunk up (is that the right word? how about fragranced?) the whole room. I had to divide them up. Pretty big bouquet. Maybe when he gets promoted to Lt Col, I will ask for a car.

I Washed the Car

Yes, it's breathtaking. Yes, it's beautiful. Blah, blah, blah. (It is kind of pretty, especially since it was taken with a cell phone camera in a supermarket parking lot).

The hose was also in a knot that took me ten minutes to untangle. And the vacuum fell over on my foot. And, I didn't attach the hose to the feed correctly and sprayed myself with water. Collin even came out of the playroom to say, "Look, that's my Mommy getting mad."

Those neighbor boys that I've mentioned that creepily ask you where you are going when you leave the house? They lurked with in elbow's reach of me until I invited them into the playroom and let them play with all of Collin's toys (not with Collin mind you, just his toys).

So, nice rainbow. Know what it means? It rained. All over my clean car. You'd think I would realize it was about to rain when I washed the car. Since it is California and rain appears out of a clear blue sky, I did not.

Ugh.

Back to homework...hopefully for the last weekend on my PC. Wish me luck adjusting to the newness of a Mac. I'm scared. Also, where can I find a behavior management therapist to modify my husband's habit of saying, "Macintosh" every time. I realize it isn't incorrect but he sounds weird. It's like saying, "automobile," or "davenport."

Oh, and Erin, sorry it isn't a double rainbow.

Oh and on a side note, when I took this picture, I was super frustrated, aside from the whole car thing. I pulled into the parking lot to pick up bread for dinner and there was a couple in the CENTER of the row with a shopping cart, ogling the rainbow. Why do people walk in the center of a row, ever? Ever? Ever?

They turned around to look at me driving, and trying to park and she literally shouted, "sorry!" waved and laughed and then stood there, with her cart and husband and continued to chat. For five minutes. Pointing at the rainbow. Five minutes, people. Five. No way around. It's a rainbow, not a spaceship.

What's the conversation going on between them, really?

"Honey, how long can we stand here and point before she mows us down?"
"Gee, I don't know, Estelle? Your leopard print stretch pants are pretty ire provoking"
"But the colors, oooooh the colors. I must look longer!"
"If I point longer, I look intrigued"
"Our ice cream is melting maybe we should move along"
"But indigo! There's indigo!"

How to Punish Collin

Daddy picked up Collin from school on Wednesday because I had a meeting at school. This is unusual, in fact rare. I hated it. I love picking up my boy and doing the whole, "what did you do today," followed by "nothing."

Apparently, I missed a whopper.

Collin got in trouble on Wednesday. A kid has to be pretty bad to get in trouble at Collin's school. "Trouble," being a relative term. They get sent to the "thinking" chair. From what I can understand, he was poking his friends and being generally annoying. This is pretty much not outside his typical behavior. When Collin gets it into his head to so something like that, he won't stop.

The thing that gets me is that once he got himself comfortable in that thinking chair, that is supposed to be a punishment, he said, "eh, I liked it there."

Welcome to my world of punishing this child. Virtually impossible.

Too Hot for Disney?...Perhaps

We've been having a heat wave here in California...just in time for fall. Also just in time for fall is Jack Skellington's arrival at the Haunted Mansion. See, they decorate the Haunted Mansion in "Nightmare Before Christmas" theme from September through Christmas and it's kind of our thing. You probably knew that, right? We have been promising Collin we'd get there, and soon and last weekend was our first free Saturday. It was also well over 100 degrees. Ick. So, we made the trip just for the morning. Ahh, the beauty of season passes. You get to see just the thing you want and then hightail it out of there before you melt.

You also get to come home, review your photos and see that you were seated next to a psychopath on the carousel and never knew it.

We met Gracie, Kari and Ben there and it was a pretty fun time. Apparently Ben is going through a "hug" phase and no one can complain about that. How awesome is it to be hugged by a baby boy? Collin's getting him some of that. Ben, however, looks a little suspicious of Collin's methodology.

Since we were with Gracie, we did the faeries and Ben apparently likes them too because, as mentioned, he gets to hug them. How cute is that? My question is this...is it a good job or a sucky job to have to hug a bunch of other people's kids all day? They are cute and all but have you seen how dirty and gross some kids are? I mean sure, Ben is cute. Collin is cute but there's some pretty scuzzy looking kids out there. And they all want to hug you. Just a thought. Can you tell how hot it is?

It was so hot this week that Bryon and I slept on the air mattress in the living room. We have a portable a/c unit in there and I refused to sleep upstairs where it was just too darn hot. Collin thought the whole thing looked too adventurous to resist snuggling up in it when he came downstairs in the morning. A bed! In the living room! Amazing!

C-Diddy

I'm convinced that our friends the Roaches have some super genes because they have the most gorgeous children I've ever seen (besides my own of course). Ignore Paige's closed eyes here; she's using "The Force" because she's unarmed in this light saber battle and she's got no other weapon.

They came over the other day (ahem week) to play and I'm pretty impressed at her ability to fend off two boys with no weapon of her own. She's going to grow up and break some serious hearts. We continue to warn her mother that she had better be prepared for boys to knock down her door and Jen always says, "I hope that child gets my hips to ward some of them off." Ha. Beautiful child.

Anyway, my point is, look at my charmer. He is such a player!

Hands above the blanket, buddy.

Oksana...He is Not

C-man started gymnastics. I have been racking my brain for an "activity" to enroll him in outside of school that would be good for the child that would fit his, let's just call it, exuberance.

When I thought of gymnastics it seemed a good fit. Collin plus jumping, plus swinging, plus tumbling around on squishy stuff seemed ideal. And I was right. He loves it.

I love the outfit. I mistakenly assumed that my boy would need the smallest size shirt. He did not. The "snug" fit shirt is a bit too snug but it definitely doesn't go back over his head when he does flips and it causes his teacher to call him "big boy," in what I can only assume is an endearing way.

Collin rubs his belly and says, "I like my big fat belly," and then laughs like a bowl full of jelly. It's kind of cute. The irony is that his shorts are twenty sizes too big and he looks ridiculous.

The class is one of the best investments we've made for him in a long time. He loves it. Last week, he spent the entire time falling off the balance beams on purpose, as he said, "because falling is more fun."


What will we ever do with that boy?