What You Get for Bribing a 2 year Old

My bird of paradise finally flowered. This sounds vaguely dirty, doesn't it? It's not. It's a flower. We planted these things last year, and then found out that it can take about four years for them to flower. I was sad but hopeful since we never found out if it was four years from seed, transplantation, or whatever. Ahhh, the joy of military moves. You plant stuff and then never see it sometimes. Anyway, it flowered. Hooray! And there are more buds. I wanted Collin to pose next to it and smile. A lot to ask, I know.

Hey kid, I'll give you an animal cracker if you smile juuuuuuuuust a little better than that.


Nothing. Oh well, nothing but the indication to Mommy that animal crackers are in that direction, you know, IN the house

Okay, it's a smile but what's with the nudity? I should've settled at the beginning.

It Begins....

The crowding of the refrigerator, otherwise known as "Mommy can't throw anything away...ever," has begun. Grandparents, get ready; I'm sure that eventually, I'll amass enough of these treasures that I'll start sending a few your way. Don't get too excited, I said eventually; say, ten or twelve years.

Collin brought home his first two projects from preschool. Sure, Mr. Pumpkin looks a little Pablo Picasso-esque. Sure, he can only identify black in his marble painting of two colors (the other color is purple folks, PURPLE!); but, I think those two works of art are the greatest things I've ever seen.

He was pretty sure they were spiffy today too. He was darn excited to put them on the fridge after their glory days on the preschool wall were over this week. You'll note their placement height; not my doing, clearly. If the fridge could puff out it's chest, I think it would.

Still, the cat is less than impressed with our little man. To Homer, Collin will always be that freaky, weird kid who can't quite get the hang of chairs.

Freddy Krueger and the Pornographic Duck Pond

Collin got to feed the ducks this weekend. Unfortunately for Collin, Mommy dressed him poorly. I didn't realize that the outfit I selected, made him look like a nightmare-haunting scary dude until AFTER he was dressed. At least I didn't make him wear claws, right? Hey, at least he doesn't look like Mommy who apparently can't tell whether she is dressed for bed or the gym. Mommy spent all weekend alternating between studying and resting her yucky head. Boring. This was my break.

Also, the ducks are so well fed at the duck park, they refused to eat unless you basically whacked them in the head with the food and, even then, it was a stretch. So we took our wares to the squirrels who were happy to have them. They were surrounding us and nearly taking food out of our hands, something I found adorable and a bit creepy as when I say surrounding, I do mean surrounding. Bryon wouldn't let us actually hand feed them, something that in theory I agree with but in practice...oh, they are so darn cute when they are close! I waaaaaanted to!

Anyway, we had fun. Until....I briefly thought I should shield my son's eyes. Is he ready for the birds and the bees talk?

Kidding, of course. But have you ever really seen a tree with a penis before? I haven't. Well, now you have.

I "See" that Halloween Approaches!

Collin has a thing for the library. Blame his literature-loving Mommy. Who knows? Whatever the cause, he can't get enough of reading. He'd do it all day, if I let him. And now that he knows he can go to this big building that has tons of books, every week, and get new stories, he's hooked. This weeks' favorite story is "Glasses: who needs 'em." In it, the little narrator, needs, you guessed it, glasses. So, Collin was pretty excited when we ran out of paper towels this morning and he got glasses of his own. Props to Mommy for being Johnny on the spot creativity-wise and tying it together with the story, eh? He's been dancing around all morning with them. Yes, I'm patting myself on the back there.

All the better to see Halloween coming! Tee hee. We bought our first pumpkin this week. We couldn't resist. They were only 59 cents at Von's.

The kiddo thought that smiley face stickers and star stickers were the best way to go, decoration-wise to complete the package.

Who's to argue with that? No markers? Sure.

Besides, there's no carving a beauty of this itsy-bitsy size. We had a blast with it. When I suggested giving it to Daddy to take to work and put on his desk however, it was as if I suggested we let Daddy have a bit of his own soul. What a thought! Pish-tosh Mommy! No. It's proudly being displayed by our Christmas/Halloween Jack Skellington, who by the way, is the star of "The Nightmare Before Christmas (hence Christmas/Halloween!).

So, that's all the happenings around here of late. Thrilling, right? Collin is STILL coughing from last week; so, it's officially time to take him to the doctor since now he's got the added hooray of coughing till he barfs on me. Yeah, that's fun. We all know how much I love barf. Today, I held him out two feet in front of me to barf in the street so he wouldn't get it on me. Is that wrong? It's totally weird because the kid is absolutely not sick. He feels fine, acts fine, but goes into coughing fits like he's got emphysema and then barfs. Gross. Love military health care though; we get in NEXT WEDNESDAY! Sweeeeet. If I sent them this picture of him where he "looks" like he's dying, would they get me in sooner?

Wonders Never Cease

Never a day goes by where I am not blown away at least once with how much I truly love spending time with my child and with how much I actually just downright adore him; from his little head to his little weird and ugly toes. I am amazed by him and his capacity to amaze me all the time. Awww, right? Today, he had his first dentist appointment and I briefly worried about it, thinking he might be afraid. That worry was brief since I have yet to encounter the thing that can scare this child.
Was he scared? No. Was he slightly "interested" in the whole mask and gloves thing? Maybe. He might, just might, have stolen about a dozen gloves on the way out.


Was he totally thrilled? Yes. When he learned that the chair goes up and down, up and down, up and down and that the lady willingly gives him rides when he shows her that grin, he was even more thrilled.
Was he totally the most adorable and amiable kid that they have probably ever seen? Yes.

Was he the most cooperative kid that they've ever seen? Yes.

He was opening his mouth as wide as possible, smacking his gums and flapping his little lips open every three seconds, like "now? now?" It was almost painful how cute this was. I think it might've had something to do with her saying, "do you know how the crocodile opens his mouth in 'Peter Pan?'" Oh boy, you should've seen his face light up. It was like she knew "the code."

I give a lot of credit to how awesome the dentist's office was. They were great with making him comfortable. He was kind of obsessed with using "Mr. Thirsty" to suck the water out of the cup. It was meant as a demonstrational tool to show him how all the equipment worked but my little man thought it was the point of the whole visit.

I couldn't stop taking pictures. Everything he did was totally cute. Thankfully, they seemed to think he was totally adorable too; either that, or they are used to weird moms with cameras. I choose to take their "thank goodness you brought your camera, ours is broken" comment at face value and pretend that I'm indeed not crazy. I mean who wouldn't take twenty pictures of THIS kid at the dentist? He's a star, right? Of course, they did bring out their camera at the end and take his picture. So, hmmmm. Oh and no cavities to note and his teeth are perfect. Hooray! I think he gets that from his Mommy.

Why You Shouldn't Have Babies

They break your heart. It's as simple as that. They grow up. They get so excited to start school and slowly, but surely abandon you, that they yell, all through breakfast, "I go to kool today!"

Then, they insist on carrying their backpack, packed with the checklist of items that the "kool" required, including a gallon of apple juice; which Collin's evil Mommy, unbeknownst to Collin, won't let him drink anyway.

This, despite your parental-all-knowing-warning that it would be too heavy for them. But nooooo, it is their backpack and they must carry it.

So, what would happen to them on a slanted driveway with a backpack that weighs half their body weight? If you think for a second that it's cruel not to stop this accident waiting to happen instead of photographing it, I implore you to think of it as tit for tat for not letting me pick his "first day of school" outfit for him. Darn kid insisted on his own clothes today. Not that it's a poor choice, but I thought I should get to pick. He's got a mind of his own that one. I can almost hear my parents now saying, HA HA!

Maybe it's okay to have babies. They don't grow up all that fast after all. I think this one needs me around a little while longer. That's not to say that I didn't ball my eyes out after dropping him off this morning. Damn kid breaks my heart without even trying. He flipped his little wrist in a dismissive, "bye mommy!" and went back to playing. I'm glad he's adjusting well, and more glad that he doesn't need me than I would be if he fell to the floor and broke down in sobs. Ahhh motherhood.

At least we have a while before he hits the next major milestone...driving. Wait a minute! Oh that's just Disney driving. Yeah, Daddy was jealous of our Mommy/Collin Disney dates so he took him this weekend.

Wowie Zowie!

Is this impressive, or what? Collin built this all by himself, I swear. No, really, I swear. How, he figured out how to get the legos above his head, is beyond me. Sure, it toppled seconds after this picture, but that's beside the point. Also beside the point is the hours that we spent trying to recreate the same tower. He was obsessed with getting it equally as high. It was apparently a fleeting moment of glory.

Also fleeting, Collin's dreams of the big leagues. Daddy has been trying, since birth, to teach him to catch. Since he probably inherited both his Daddy's and my athletic coordination, he's got as much chance of making any athletic team as say, getting struck by lightening while winning a jackpot on both a scratcher and the lotto. But, Daddy's still trying. Usually, the ball smacks him in the chest, bounces to the ground, rolls away down the block and about six or eight seconds later is when the look of recognition crosses Collin's face and he makes some sort of reflexive gripping gesture with his fists. Poor kid.
Apparently, Bryon thought adding equipment, like a mitt, might help. It did not.

But they had fun playing. Sure, it looks fun. Except Collin got shwacked in the face with a ball. Thankfully, it was a whiffle. Mommy was relieved. I'm convinced that kid is made of rubber, so whatever. (P.S. don't the new backyard fences "look" nice. Don't touch them. They might distintegrate. They are made of wishes, hopes and dreams and maybe pixie dust and held together with some nothing. Ahhhh government contracts and the lowest bidder. Ahhh, not owning your home and not having to care that you don't have to maintain it.).

In other news, he's starting, gasp, preschool, on Tuesday. Sob. Weep. Gasp. Let me recollect myself.Seriously. I'm really having trouble with it. But, he's so ready; he nags a lot about it and a lot of his little friends are going missing about this time of year because they are in school. It's about time for him to explore the option. We'll see how it goes. Mommy is going to be brave. She is. She really is. He's so stinking excited. He talks about it non-freaking-stop.