Poindexter Tortures Daddy

Collin tried on Daddy's glasses today. Sure, he looks cute; but, he packs some menace behind that innocent facade.

We're thinking of petitioning the senate commission on torture to add this to the list of non-allowable tactics for getting information from detainees. What do you think? Holding a person's nose to jam a cement mixer in their mouth just doesn't seem cool to me. Where does he learn this stuff?

Mommy Milestone: Puke

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I don't deal well with puke. Okay, that's an understatement. I deal with puke about as well as a mental patient, the kind that needs a straight jacket, deals with being plunked into the real world without medication. Yeah, I'm that freaked out by it. It was a subject that was actually addressed when Bryon and I talked about having children: as in, "can I handle it if I get morning sickness?" and "can I handle it if my children actually do vomit?" Laugh if you will, but I'm sure someone out there is equally phobic about vomit. No one out there really likes the old pile of stinky stuff, but I really, really would rather die, literally. I've stealthily avoided it so far. I didn't have morning sickness and I even lucked out with a kid who thought spitting up amounted to a bit of a burp bubble.

The run is over, folks. It started innocently enough with me cleaning the potty and putting him in time out for touching his poop, AGAIN. I think I see a pattern emerging, don't you? Regardless, he was neatly contained in his time out chair in the kitchen while I scrubbed the potty clean of the weirdly loose poo that had stuck to the bottom and wouldn't come loose (eewww!). I was already kind of convinced this kid had picked up a bug of some kind just from that alone! As I finished and came out to the kitchen to retrieve my little peanut what do I discover? Oh, nothing but that he'd vomited all over himself in the chair and was EATING IT!

"Sandwich came out mouth, mommy!" he said.

It was bad enough that the dog was licking it off of him, the floor and the sides of the chair; to see my own child picking bits of bologna off of his pant leg and eating it! Oh, there are no words. None.

All I can say is that I have survived my first brush with vomit. I cleaned it up. I did not die. I did not faint. I did not swoon. I did not even gag. But, I am glad that my hubby is back by dinnertime tonight to help me with the care and non-feeding of this sick kiddo as the amount of stuff that is coming out of him is surprising and foul.

Still, he's adorable. He's taking a liking to the bucket. And, he is a surprisingly energetic patient. Aren't kids supposed to be low-energy when they are sick?

Whole Lot A Shakin' Goin' On!

Mama always takes a deep breath and braces herself when she decides to take the boy to Disneyland solo. It's not that it isn't the happiest place on earth. It isn't that I don't get choked up every time I take him through the gate because it's so overwhelming to share such a great time with him. It's just that it can be exhausting to take a toddler by yourself. Still, the fun outweighs the work.

The day may not have been off to the greatest start. Okay, I'm exaggerating. He only had one time out; and, I must admit that taking a picture of him smack in the middle of it sort of distracted him and made him giggle, thus defeating the punishment. But, it was way too cute.

Anyway, we made it to Disneyland and the day rocked. We rode something we never rode before, the little horse drawn buggy that goes down main street. Collin thought that Kaleb, our horse was pretty cool. I attempted the whole "extended arm" photography thing. I'm fairly impressed with myself. I'm also impressed with the bags under my eyes. Collin woke up at 2 am last night to wet the bed, and stayed up for thirty minutes to cry about me changing the sheets. (we're working on underwear at night just for the heck of it...why not? He's stayed dry for the most part).

Alas, what's more fun than a real horse? Why, a fake one of course! This would be Collin on the carousel. Can you tell he likes it?

I learned something about Collin today too...that he's tall! Well, the Disneyland definition of tall enough, that is. He's officially tall enough to ride the smallest coasters there. So, we stood in line for the coaster in toon town. Oh, how excited he was. Oh, how excited Mommy was. It was more cool than I can describe. Then, literally as our feet were about to hit the car, the little voice on the big speaker made us get back off. Apparently, there was an earthquake that we didn't feel. When that happens, all the rides at Disneyland are shut down and inspected by engineers for safety, especially roller coasters. The roller coasters take the longest to re-open, like three to four hours. Since it was almost 6 o'clock, we went home. Pooh! Next time! I guess we'll share that experience with Daddy too!

Collin and I will just have to share the teacups again as one of those "Mommy and Me" only memories, I guess! (Seeing as how they make Daddy barf!)

It's pretty obvious who's stronger stomach Collin inherited...no barfy barfy for Collin. Oh, and look who had to buy a new sweatshirt today. When the weather report says 70s, Mommy didn't predict having to bring a sweatshirt. I think he looks cute!

Thanks, Granny!

This is one of the outfits that Collin got for his birthday. Well, not the grungy sweatshirt; but the adorable alligator shorts and polo. It actually made me squeal; it was so adorable. It reminded me of those embroidered critter khakis you can buy for a zillion dollars at Crewcuts (the J.Crew for kids), that I'd never buy because, while I love them, I'm not insane. Anyway, I love it. Don't you think Collin should be a J. Crew kid's model?

He's even got action shots down. Granny, you are a great shopper. And, Collin knows how to work it. Maybe, I'm biased. Or, maybe he's just the cutest kid on the planet.

Not a Picture of the "Poop Incident"

So, Collin takes his poops alone. I think this is a good quality of his. It means I don't have to put in grunt time with him and I can go about my business while he goes about his. It means I have to put in minimal time with the stink too; just a bit of dumping the, well, dumps, into the big toilet when he's done and some wiping. I can handle that. He's always done remarkably well with this procedure...until today.

Today, when I heard the grunting cease, as is my cue to enter and begin wiping, I was appalled at the scene. In the few seconds it took me to stop washing dishes and make it to the bathroom to commence the wiping procedure (no, I don't leave him alone in there for GADS of time), he'd made a Jackson Pollack of himself with poop. It was beautiful really, if you are into that kind of abstract art with feces. He picked his poop up out of the potty, rubbed it all over his leg, on his face, in his hair. It is the stuff of legend really. The best part? The tantrum he threw when I insisted on washing it off. Or wait, maybe the best part was that in the midst of this, he decided to sit down on my lap before I had a chance to wipe his bottom. That was pretty awesome too.

So, I leave you with the glory that I did NOT decide to take a picture of this blessed event. Instead, I decided to take a picture of him being cute today. Grandparents, this is the grandson you love and miss, not the one you are glad you weren't here for today.

See, he was pretty fun after he got out of the wading pool this afternoon. He's naked under this towel, by the way; which is totally adorable because he decided that getting dressed was overrated after swimming and wanted to let it all hang out for a while. Mommy, however, decided that shades were NOT actually appropriate dinner attire and made him put clothes on.

I also nixed his idea of wearing his underwear on his head, despite the fact that it was indeed funny.

The Hottest Tot

What did you think I meant?

It was absurdly hot today; not that I'm complaining, of course. The day Bryon gets orders out of here and we have to move, I will cry, wail and bemoan my fate to the Air Force gods until you all can't stand hearing another word about it. But, considering it is only April, it was a bit unusual for it to be in the 90's, I think. Alas, we swam.

And, we stripped. Okay, only one of us stripped. The other one of us sweltered and decided it was inappropriate to walk around the house in her underwear.

And that's all for today folks!...ba-dum-chee! (that's my best imitation of a drum sound)

P.S. Does anyone else miss those sweat curls that he would've had today? Anyone? Anyone? Only me? Okay.

The First Cut is the Deepest

I'm not sure there are words appropriate enough for description of this monumental event. It was; however, time. He was scratching at his eyes and the tips of his ears all the time. It was making me feel like I was torturing him just a little bit to continue NOT cutting it. Still, I had to practically pinch myself to keep from crying. This is ranking up there as one of my worst days as Mommy so far. The cupcakes we stopped and bought at Cold Stone as his "special treat" for being such a good boy the whole day were partially for me too.

Don't get to used to this hair...it's about to disappear!

He was a champ. He loved the whole thing; well, all except the cape around his neck which he thought was some sort of torture device.

See, Collin is pretty convinced that they were trying to strangle him with this cape.

Yeah, I made them give me a lock of his hair...and then some. I don't care if I seemed crazy.

And, anything that promises to give him a lolipop at the end is sure to be a winner in his book.

Now, I feel like I actually have to get to know him again. He literally looks like a little STRANGER to me. I finally cried when we put him down for a his nap and he said, "Mama stop sad please!" It was adorable. That's my sweet boy. I even got a hug out of the deal...and a head butt. He is a boy, afterall.

The new, and I'm told, "improved" Collin.