To Think...I used to TEACH High School

Yes, it's complete. I'm now totally addicted to this "Twilight" thing. I actually read a complete book yesterday. So now I'm on the last series of the four. These are not thin, little wafty books either. These suckers are five hundred pages at their shortest. The last one, started this morning, is six hundred something.

Can you believe me?! That means yesterday I read two thirds of the second one AND the entire third book! I started it at seven p.m. and stayed up until 1 am! Okay, I read the last hundred or so pages on the treadmill this morning; but that didn't stop me from hauling into the last one immediately. I'm sick. Sick!

Bryon thinks so too. He found it immensely amusing to take these photographs of me ignoring the former center of my universe. To be fair, he was ignoring me too...at first! Look, he's completely amused, all by himself. What a joyful child.

Then look, he approacheth....He looks so pathetic trying to cram himself onto my lap and me, his Mother, his own flesh and blood, not letting him between me and my book!

And, yes the reason I'm sitting on the floor is because he whined that I was ignoring him too much on the couch, then on the chair, then on the other chair and he wanted me to be closer to him. I'm ashamed! Ashamed! Mommy is so cruel!

But, I think I'm making progress on the whole addiction thing. See, it's Turkey-Day eve; so, we've got a load of cooking to do. Before noon today, I made a pie, two chocolate cherry loaves and put dinner in the slow cooker. I also vacuumed the house and took Collin to play at the park. I didn't totally shirk my responsibilities to read. I'm recovering! I swear. But, I also threw him in the crib the second nap time hit...and I'm off to read.

Don't worry, the end is in sight. In about five hundred more pages or so, I'll HAVE to stop. I have no choice. It will be over. Please don't let this woman write any prequels or something. I don't think I could bear it. I have a theory that the publisher has coated the pages of these books in some sort of drug that has you craving the book. What do you think? It can't possibly just be that I'm nuts, can it?

Mommy's Regression

Okay, so during the course of my Super Weekend, I mentioned that I saw "Twilight," right? I also mentioned that I kinda liked it enough to swipe the books from Costco when we were there the next day. Well, I neglected to mention that I sort of talked Bryon into going to Costco because I really knew they'd have the books.

Yes, we were out of yogurt and eggs and yes, we really kind of needed to go; but, I could've waited a day. No, I didn't want to. I NEEDED to start reading the darn things. I swear to God, I've become one of those raving teenagers who waited outside Barnes and Noble to get the next installment. Thank God I didn't discover this thing until all the books are out. I think I would've gone insane waiting for them.

So, it's now Tuesday and I've already finished the first one and am a third of the way through the second one. I literally cannot put them down. My son is starving in the corner, sitting in squallor, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know who I am anymore because I do nothing but read and push him away. Kidding. But, I'm reading every second he doesn't pay me a lick of attention. If he's got a Lego in his hand and he thinks it's as fascinating as say, lint, I read a sentence. I'm so lame!

So, I think right now, you could place my age at about what...sixteen? I'm totally swooning over this Edward Cullen guy and I can't put the darn book down. Bryon went to sleep with one of those eye patches on last night because I stayed up with the reading lamp on until 11:30 to finish the first book...AND start the next one. I am sick.

Oh yeah and for Mel who thinks there should be a picture of Mr. Hottie-Pants...nope. Yes, there are adorable pictures of him reading with Collin and no, you shall not see them because I'm too embarrassed! Now, back to reading.....

Mommy's Super Weekend

Mommy leads a pretty mundane life. Normally, her life is bordered by the gate guard and the playground. Heck, she doesn't even potty alone. What Mommy with a toddler does, I ask you? But, this weekend, she partied like a rock star. Well, the rock star equivalent of a thirty-year old mommy.

It all started with Friday night. She went...gasp...to a movie! And, wait for it...dinner! Without the husband and baby! She went out with a girlfriend. It was super fun. Since nothing else remotely interesting was showing at 7'ish, they saw Twilight with the rest of the fifteen year-old set and pretended they were teenagers. They didn't blend well since, alas, they are NOT teenagers anymore and they couldn't muster the strength to squeal when seeing the dreamy Edward Cullen appear on screen. Although, Mommy did enjoy the movie enough to dash out and buy the books. Yes, it IS that good of a story. And, yes, she IS that lame.

Collin and Daddy, abandoned at home were saddened by Mommy's absence. Daddy took this picture of Collin who dashed to the door when he realized she left. Mommy was happy when she skipped off to the car because it was the first time that she'd left her boy that he DIDN'T go into hysterics. In fact, he was so excited that he'd understood waving and "bye-bye" going with the idea of someone exiting, that he seemed quite pleased with himself...until he realized that someone leaving was his Mama. Poor little Peanut.

Awww shucks, Mama had a great time. And, since the theater is at a mall...with a J.Crew, Mama got a new sweater!!!! Mama can't resist argyle. It's like crack to her. What!? It was on sale...I know, I'm a sucker! It could be a thousand dollars, marked down from $1,001. I'd buy it if it were argyle and from J.Crew. I need help.

Then, on Saturday, as she already mentioned, Mama got the whole series of Twilight books from Costco. Is Daddy buttering Mommy up for something. Hmmmm? And, since Mommy spent all of Saturday begging Daddy to let her go back to the mall and purchase a second, yes a second, sweater from her Holy Land (J.Crew), plans were laid for Sunday.

So, Mama got to go shopping AGAIN on Sunday and have quiet Mommy time with another movie all by herself. Ahhhhh. And the sweater is so soft and pretty and expensive. What a lovely day! And this time, Daddy and Collin had super fun with chili. Daddy and Collin worked with spoons. Apparently, Collin has mastered the fine art of cutlery without Mommy's help...and an appreciation for the most disgusting of foods.

The weekend capped off with Daddy's old boss (and also our dear friend) stopping by for dinner (which I did not prepare a morsel of---Daddy and Collin made it while I was away shopping) and a visit before he deploys, which Mommy greatly enjoyed because she thinks he's a hottie-pants. And, he said she looked great, so she was all gooey about it. Daddy thinks it's funny that Mommy is so silly about Mr. Hottie-Pants and makes great fun of her for it. And Mr. Collin, who apparently takes after his Mommy (hopefully not too much) decided that Mr. Hottie-Pants was alright too because he wanted him to read him his bedtime stories and to play Lego's with him all evening. Mommy didn't enjoy Collin calling him Mom though. That was a little weird.

This is Collin in the kitchen, helping Daddy prepare our evening feast.

Anyway, that makes the count for Mommy's super weekend at: two movies, two sweaters, a set of books and numerous compliments from Mr. Hottie-Pants. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure hubby said I looked nice too. He's the one who gave me my super weekend, so I like him best of all!

My Hired Help

I can't quite quit my non-paying day job as housefrau yet; but, I do now have an up and coming ally in this never ending duty of mine. I should've realized his potential for apprenticeship when he showed an abhorrence for dust. Little did I know, he'd enjoy housework of all kinds.

In this past week, he's become obsessed with helping me unload the dishwasher. At first, this was much to my dismay, as he likes to grab at ANYTHING in there, including the knives and the breakables. But, so long as I'm right there to snatch these items from him and "help the helper," we're good. The only drawback to this helping, other than the constant race to the accidental wrist-slitting or the smashing of my plates, is the misconception that the dishes in there are always clean. See, if he sees the dishwasher open, he figures it must be time to put stuff away. So, if the forks are in his reach, filled with cake bits or steak bits, he figures: "heck, I know where these go, time to put them away!" And, he does!

He's become quite the adept errand boy too. Just last night, I asked him to take some towels all the way upstairs and put them in the laundry room for me. He didn't quite make it to the laundry room; but he understood that they were dirty and he figured dirty stuff must go in the hamper. So, he put them in his room, in the hamper. Could that be any cuter? And, it was helpful...and it got him out of my way while I was chopping, even more helpful!

He can't reach the tall stuff, but he's pretty good at dragging the cloth around the coffee table and end tables and he loves the swirl pattern he makes with his little chubby fists. I just hope he doesn't learn to ask for an allowance. The only thing he fears is the Swiffer Wet Jet. I'm pretty sure it's because a few months ago, I laughed at him when he slipped on the floor when it was wet with the Swiffer juice.

Now, if he even sees me Swiffer, he gets freaked. If he comes in slightly after I've done it and the floor is still shiny with mist, he just points at it and shakes his head but still takes tentative steps, testing the waters, so to speak...then of course looses his balance and cries. I can't help but laugh. What? It's funny to see little stocking feet spread apart and then a little bottom plop on the floor? It's not like he cracks his head open and he does do it on purpose!
Now, we're adopting the habit of helping with dishes. He seems to actually enjoy it too. I think any kid likes splashing in the water. We're currently working on the idea that only Mommy and Daddy touch the knives; but he's having trouble with that. I think I've made the idea of a knife so fascinating that he can't help but show me one when he sees it. Ooooh, knife...look how sharp Mommy...see, I've impaled myself! But, see how fun it is to wash the blood away? And, no he hasn't cut himself and no I wouldn't laugh!
But doesn't washing dishes look fun if you are 19 months old? When does it stop being fun?
P.S. I know it's the same brown and green shirt...again! To be fair...I took these pictures yesterday. So, no he didnt' wear it again today! He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt today of course! It's Friday; what else would he be wearing?

The Tummy Update

By the way, for all those concerned about the tummy...yes the camera has made it's exit. Mommy's tummy is okay. I had to go get an X-Ray last night to make sure it wasn't stuck anywhere since we hadn't seen hide nor hare of it since I swallowed the glowing thing on Monday. No, you get no more details than that. And you're welcome for that.

The X-Ray showed us that it should be popping up pretty soon and that it's not stuck where they'd have to cut it out. So, phew. Collin and Mommy were so relieved, they danced and smiled all the next morning...until Mommy got to go potty...weeee! That made EVERYTHING better. And more smiling followed....

Until, Mommy remembered that because this camera was stuck and slow going through her belly, that means it failed in it's mission and thus, there will be yet another unpleasant tummy test on the horizon. Yuck. But, for now, we are happy over here and everyone feels good.
And, P.S. Collin does NOT wear the same shirt every day! It just looks that way because the Laundry Fairy does a heck of a lot of washing and it happens to be clean a lot! Most of his short sleeve shirts are too small on his pudgy belly and yep, it's still shorts and short sleeve shirt weather around here most days...even in November!

We're (Developmental) Checklist Ready Now

When Collin turned one, we had the typical one-year well baby visit. This appointment was preceded by an envelope that arrived in the mail about a month prior to his appointment that weighed about as much as he did at the time, which was no small bananas. This envelope contained a developmental milestone survey that needed to be completed prior to his appointment.

This darn thing caused me no end of grief, tears and stress. I was sure that my son was most probably going to be scored as a babbling baboon or they'd take him away from me because I wasn't encouraging him to put two items into a container and remove only one. Or, maybe I was a bad parent because while he excelled at his pincer grasp, he couldn't babble two consonants together while clapping in rhythm. Arrrgh!

I filled the darn thing out in pencil half a dozen times, rigging his score this way and that and then redoing it so he'd be in different categories. Mostly, I was just trying to see if he came out normal, over and over and over again. Of course, he did. The darn, sometimes/never/always answers were so vague! I mean, I was pretty sure that once I saw him throw a ball...but was it on purpose? Could I say it was and would that be a lie? Would this survey be part of his "permanent record?"

But, here's the thing with Collin...he does all the things on stupid surveys...when he feels like it. I clearly remember one of the questions being: can he stack items? Well, he had never stacked any of his toys. For weeks leading up to that darn appointment, I'd tried to get him to stack his stacking blocks, his toys, his anything. Nope. Nada. No stacking. Weeks after, the same thing. Eventually, I gave up. Shortly after, I forgot about it. I think my rationale was that I've never met an adult that couldn't stack things. Think about it: do you know anyone who's not put something atop something else? I must've figured he'd get it.

A few weeks ago, when cleaning out the garage, I turned around to find my son stacking empty paint cans as high as his little body...then climbing on top of a chair to stack them higher. Stacking, with ingenuity to boot. Where's the stupid survey now?

And, today I got out of the shower to find him in his room, having dragged the spare doggie bowls from the laundry room into his room, to create this tower. I would consider this stacking, wouldn't you? I just think it's so funny that he suddenly, out of the blue decided: "hey, stacking rocks!"

So, I've decided to quit worrying about this stuff. I know kids figure out stuff in their own time and they all do alright. Okay, not really. You know I'll freak out about the next survey, or the next developmental thing I'm supposed to watch for, whatever it's supposed to be. Please God, don't let there be one for the two-year well baby visit!

When Mama's Away....

The end result of my being locked away in my room for two days was that Dada had to take care of Collin exclusively. This caused me to endlessly miss my little guy but not to fear for his safety or well-being because Dada loves him as much as I do. And, since we are going through a Mama-only stage, it was probably just as well that this happened since it gave Dada and Collin a chance to hang without me to lean on...meaning Collin wouldn't rush to my side every 1.8 milliseconds, leaving poor Dada in the abandoned dust.

So, in my emergence into the light of day, after feeling better, I find that my guys have bonded. Yes, I was showered with endless hugs and kisses from my little guy who, apparently thought he'd never see me again. By the way, that was AWESOME! But, even more awesome is seeing the slight tip in equality of attention between Mama and Dada. Yep, Collin is now willing to let Dada read him at least one out of a dozen stories and he's willing to let Dada hold his hand too. It's like he now has TWO, yes TWO parents in this household.

Amazingly, he can even play with this second parent of his. This crazy, fun-loving second parent known as Dada was entertaining enough to capture his attention during dinner preparation yesterday, something that formerly, only Mama was capable of. In fact, if Mama was making dinner, Dada could light himself on fire, dance naked in the living room and offer him ice cream and nothing could distract Collin from whatever Mama was chopping. But, yesterday Collin was all about the onion Dada was dicing. Wheee!

And, Dada invented a new game with the ear infection truck! Not that it took a lot of innovation, but it was still fun. Yes, I call it the ear infection truck...what else should I call it? He got it because he had an ear infection and asked "peeese" at the pharmacy while we got antibiotics. I think it's aptly named, don't you? Anyway, he looks like he's having a pretty fun time with Dada here.

And, we've got new names now too...Daddy and Mommy. We've graduated from Dada and Mama, I guess. I still prefer the old names. But, I guess everything changes.