Playground of Death

I'm not saying that they do things backwards in Mississippi, I'm just saying that the playground at the state park where we spent most of our time on our recent trip is perhaps in the land that time forgot. It's possible that in our over abundance of safety standards, padding and helmets for diaper changes, that we might worry a hair too much about our kiddos; but I think that the playground we went to was a might bit on the dangerous side.

I haven't seen a merry-go-round in ages. I'm pretty sure they have been yanked out of most playgrounds because they are too fun. Or, because one in two kids either falls off and chips a tooth or gets knocked unconscious. But, although I'm assured that others have seen this type of merry-go-round before, I've never seen this bucket type of merry-go-round. Seriously, a bowl? Is that so you can catch the puke in one convenient, easy to save for the next kid to sit in, location? It WAS fun anyway.

And, I'm pretty sure that bar spacing on any structure is standard for a reason. Both so kids can't fit through and so they don't try. Leave it to the one kid who's too big to fit through to try it. Yep, that's my son. He was pretty sure it looked like a good idea at the time. It didn't take long for him to rethink the decision. Hilarious after the rescue...scary for the moments he was actually stuck.

The play structures were a story in and of themselves, having been constructed sometime predating the Civil War, and therefore, I'm pretty sure a historical landmark, especially down there. When we weren't dodging the protruding screws and the rotted bits, we were making sure the metal slides weren't searingly hot from baking in the sun. But again, they were still fun...so long as we were within centimeters of Collin making sure he wasn't going to die. The ONE "newer" play structure was no better anyway, as the tippy top of it was missing the pole or ladder or whatever access to the ground it formerly had, and instead then was equipped with a ledge that dropped immediately off about twelve feet to the ground. P.S. none of these play structures were surrounded by anything softer than packed dirt.
My favorite fun thing at the playground of death, which I didn't take any pictures of, was the see-saw-roundy thing; yeah, I don't know what to call it. It was a circular ride on animal structure that bounced. There were four animals for kids to ride in the form of an X. It seemed super fun, until you took a close look at the axis and note that of the four major screws holding the thing together, two were missing and the two left were visibly loose and shook pretty wildly when we bounced. Hmmmmm. Collin thought the thing was a hoot anyway. I'm sure he would've laughed even more hysterically if one of the adults would've flown off wildly when the whole thing careened off the axis and we plummeted to our deaths into the sand bed it sat in that had been converted to a fire ant nest.

Alas, it was not a safe playground. But, it was a fun playground nonetheless. I'm pretty sure that we were not remiss in letting him play there since we at least noted the dangers lurking at every corner. I felt a little leery for the girls playing there while their mother napped in the parked car in the lot. But, hey who am I to judge? We all survived and had a good time.

Back to the high life

Yep, we're back to the big city living. I know I'm not a small town girl. But, I have to admit, I enjoyed the canoeing and the time with the kiddo. But, I did affectionately call the quiet, peaceful cabin that we hung out at the "toddler deathtrap." Considering that it came equipped with a balcony with slats three feet apart (yep, wide enough to step right through and plummet to your death), a steep staircase to the ground, easy access to the lake right outside the backdoor and to the road outside the front, I think it was an apt nickname.

Alas, it was so much fun for us though. Collin had so many eyes on his little adorable head the entire time, I don't think he could so much as sniffle without anyone wondering if he were okay, let alone trip and fall or splash unwittingly into the water and get hurt. Although the little neighbor girl from the next cabin over fell into the water while her daddy slumbered in a lawn chair. He woke up as my father-in-law plopped her dripping little self in front of him, having rescued her.

Still, we're home now, back where I like it, where there are more than three cars at a traffic light. But, I am trapped in the house. And, I'm not just trapped by the forty-two loads of laundry we accumulated on the trip or the dog hair so thick you could wade through it that I now need to vacuum (okay, I'm exaggerating); but, trapped by the stupid house painters.

The privatized people that own our house are painting the exteriors. Nice, yes. Annoying, yes. They have all the windows and doors taped shut with plastic and we are literally trapped and it's totally dark in here. It's eerie and weird and the dog really has to pee. So, I'd take me a little small town lake toddler death house that's super fun over this weird windowless paint fume house any day...even if it is in Columbus! Instead, I'll just sit here, take a deep breath and probably get a little bit of the high life here. :)

P.S. My favorite picture from the trip...isn't it awesome. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll sprinkle more throughout the week!

Columbs, Mississippi...Not a Fan!

So, Columbus, Mississippi is a small town. And, by small town, I mean that they have a Wal-Mart. Yep, and they've got a McDonald's too. They've also got a lot of fields and some ditches and a whole lot of run-down looking shanty homes and some trailers; but hey, lots of southern hospitality. All in all, it's a place I'd pretty much die if I had to be stationed at. But, thankfully we'll never have to come here as it's a pilot training base and thanks to four-eyed hubby, it won't happen.

But, Robyn (sister-in-law) is stuck here another four years because she's now an official pilot as of Friday and her hubby graduated last month. And, to stay together for another four years, they decided to become instructor pilots here. So, to make the situation bearable for themselves, they bought a house.

The house is friggin' amazing. It's huge and it's gorgeous. Apparently, you can buy a lot of house in the middle of the southern, for lack of a better word, armpit, for almost nothing. Hopefully, no one I know and love who reads this hails from Columbus and will be offended. If you are, too bad; it's a matter of opinion. Even Robyn cried when she realized she'd be stuck here for a handful more years, even though it meant at least she'd be with her hubby.

It's not really that it's THAT bad. It's quite pretty and the people are nice. But, I NEED a mall, more than three stores within a twenty minute drive and less than three trailers per five people. It's just me, maybe I'm a snob.

At the moment though, Collin is living it up here. Bryon's dad and stepmother rented a cabin on the lake as their accommodations and he's obsessively loving the "boat" idea and the fish, not to mention the hot dogs and mac-n-cheese. He is finally putting to use all that practice of the "airplane" sign we did so much of in preparation of finally seeing Aunt Robyn again and now he pretty much thinks that's her name. He blows her kisses when she's not looking because that's what we do when we see airplanes, of course! So, to him, Columbus isn't so bad.

I think for Mommy, she's just a big town gal. Apparently though there's some good barbecue down here and they have someplace that cooks some pretty amazing food right in some guy's personal crock pots! I'll pass on that and take everyone else's word for it, but local color, right? For now, I'll enjoy my big city assignment and hope for another.

What does TSA Stand For?

Tyrants with Snarly Attitudes?
Tiffy Snippy Apes?

Of course not! I know that TSA does a pretty important job. But, I also know that a family carrying a 19 month old child, and holding military I.D. cards as they pass through the metal detectors is probably NOT a threat; so, it's probably not necessary to give US of all people, a hard time. Still, that's what Mr. TSA in L.A. thought best to do yesterday.

It started with the car seat/stroller contraption that our super friend Kari let us borrow for the trip. This thing is awesome. It is designed for airports so it converts from a stroller to a car seat with one swift motion and it fits down the aisles of most planes. Anyway, Mr. TSA was a little perplexed at it and annoyed that it didn't "break down." What? Who ever heard of a car seat breaking down. I could almost hear him grrr-ing.

So, off to the side it went for manual inspection. He was then further annoyed that I had to carry my son through the detector. Then, Bryon had the wrong boarding pass...a mistake that should've been caught at the stand prior to this when it was stamped by Miss TSA who inspected it only moments before. But, I digress.

Anyway, he promptly, and in a raised voiced shooed him back from the metal detector and pretty much indicated that he was trying to board a flight to Bahrain with bombs in his shoes. Meanwhile, I've made it through after having set the darn thing off with my belt. So, I reach into the backpack, which has made it through the belt by now, and get the correct boarding pass and hand it over the wall to my poor hubby who's being detained.

Wrong choice! Mr. TSA yelled at me. Apparently, I'd been instructed via telepathy to hand him, and only him said boarding passes, not Bryon. So, I was told to go "STAND OVER THERE!" By now, I was pretty annoyed, barefoot and tired of holding my beast of a child and wondering if my car seat was cleared to set him down.

Mr. TSA #2 told me it was, but I was still pretty afraid of Mr. TSA #1's wrath so I waited until we were clear of the line to put him in. Alas, after Mr. TSA #1 sheepishly saw that Bryon's I.D. card was, in fact, a military I.D. and it did, in fact, match his boarding pass, he was a bit red in the face and he let us pass without further incident. Gee, you mean the innocent looking family with the baby and the diaper bag WASN'T a bunch of terrorists. I'm shocked! Shocked!

The rest of the day passed...eventfully! We had a two hour delay! Mr. Collin learned that escalators are super fun and that they are endless. Yep, that was an adventure that I think I could go on living forever. He also learned that throwing things really annoys Mommy. Sippy cups, his pacifier, his blankie, pretty much anything will do.

The plane rides themselves (both of them) were pretty uneventful. He LOVED kicking the chair in front of him...but he loved Mommy holding his feet still even less. I got the suggestion from Erin a little late for lollipops. I'll try that on the way home. He was all about crackers...and throwing them! He was pretty entertained with Skymiles magazine for a while too, until he tore it up and threw that and for some strange and inexplicable reason, ate it.

He also proved Mommy right. Daddy was certain that because we'd arrive in the middle of the night, surely he'd sleep in the car on the way to Aunt Robyn's. I said nope. I was right. So, today we've got a toddler running on less than six hours of sleep. Any bets on how long he lasts before he becomes a terrible monster that eats parents and grandparents alike?

Huzzah! It happened!

Since Bryon started working at El Segundo, he's brought home more colds than I can count. Thankfully, Collin and I, being of stronger immune system stock than his weak father, have resisted more colds than Dada. But, last night Collin succumbed to the most recent bout of booger-nose. Why does it always happen at night? And, why does it always happen on the eve of some major event?...this one being our FIRST plane ride today to visit Aunt Robyn in Mississippi and celebrate her graduation from pilot training.

Anyway, since he was an infant, he's REFUSED to sleep with us. He wanted no part of snuggling in bed with his Mama and Dada, much preferring the solitude of his own crib, reaching and grasping for it the minute he sees it when it nears bedtime. I comfort myself when I think of the many minutes of lost snuggles I'm missing out on with the tortured complaints of parents who can't get their kids OUT of their beds at night. Still, on occasion, it would be nice for just a few minutes of snuggle time after a nightmare or when he's got a tummy ache.

Nope, not going to happen. He thinks the sheet patterns are a game or that maybe, just maybe we'll turn on the t.v. because once, just once, we did and he got to watch an episode of the Muppets on DVD with us, snuggled in a pillow nest on a Saturday morning.

Anyway, last night, after the billionth time of waking up in fear that he would never breath again, and thus crying and whimpering for Mama, Dada or whoever could bring him oxygen in mass quantities, I brought him to bed with me. I've tried this before so I figured this wouldn't work...but you know what? It did! He snuggled right in and flopped right down and zonked!

It was horrible. He pushed me, he kicked me, he flopped his arm across my face. He snored. He threw his pacifier in my eye, then picked it up again, gouging my eye in the process. He used my back as a kneading board for his toes, all while fast asleep. Then, he suddenly woke up, sat bolt upright in bed, pulled me by the arm until I was doing so too and pointed animatedly at the t.v., like "hey, that's what we do in here, right?"

Well, off to bed with him again where he promptly slept the rest of the night through. And you know what? Ten minutes after he was gone, I missed him terribly again. Every night, about ten minutes after we go to bed, I tell Bryon that I miss Collin and wish he was with us, and even after our "snuggling" that was not snuggling at all, I wanted him back. I wouldn't "slept" all night not sleeping to have my sweet boy next to me again.

What is wrong with us parents? More pointedly, what is wrong with us mothers, that we think this way? What makes us want to have knees in our backs, wrists in our eyeballs and snot caked to our cheeks from hot little fever faces stuck to our own in the middle of the night? Oh yeah, I guess it's pure love. And, it's pretty great, isn't it?

P.S. Wish us luck on our first plane ride!!!!!

The Family Prepares For The Mississippi Trip

We love Eddie. We really do. He was my baby long before I met Bryon, then he was OUR baby long before we had Collin. He is a "special" dog, in that way that kids who wear helmets on the bus are special. Kidding! But he does have his quirks. (Doesn't the new addition look happy to be introduced to the old kid on the block here? I think so! Eddie looks equally pleased!)

He is mostly afraid of being outside alone for longer than it takes him to do his business. He doesn't much care for the idea of barking unless it's at the doorbell, and then only one quick BARK! He is pretty sure that ceiling fans were put on this earth as a means for his destruction and thus fears them with pain of death. He has also decided that Homer, the cat, is his lord and master and pretty much lets him run the show around here. He also has no clue of his massive size and is pretty sure that regardless of your size, he'll fit just fine on your lap should there be even the slightest hint of thunder.
For all his foibles, he's also painfully sweet, a great snuggler and like any other dog, loved endlessly by his family. So, when it comes time for us to have to travel and leave the little guy, it's a painful decision. Thus far, we've not had to resort to kennelling him. I just cannot do it. The idea of my fearful puppy behind a gate with other howling dogs makes me imagine him imagining himself in someplace akin to prison, clanging his cup on the bars and screaming ATTICA!
So, we hire pet sitters. You want to know something about pet sitters? They are not cheap. This gal is sixty bucks a day for two visits and two walks. But, we're hoping she's good. She seems nice. But, you want to know something else about pet sitters? They ALWAYS know way more about animals than you do and of course, therefore know more about your animal than you do.
It's like walking into a new parent group and meeting the one know it all mom who points out that your kid is playing with a recalled toy or that he's actually choking on that raisin not just chewing it really, really well. Pet sitters have a way of walking in and oh so delicately pointing out that maybe your brand of dog food isn't the best, or that your dog SHOULD really mind you on the first command or that maybe your cat's box isn't lined with the best litter. Grrrrr.

P.S....Collin took this stunning picture of his best buddy!!!!

One of these days, I think I might get the cajones to tell someone I'm paying to come into my house to shut up and color and do things my way with my animals. Meanwhile, I smile and nod and get embarrassed that my dog's tail is between his legs because he's shy, or as pet sitter lady says, "not socialized enough."

Oh yeah...and Super Monday!!!

Collin and Mommy have a pact: he sleeps for at least an hour for nap time, usually three and I promise to keep loving him. Just kidding. I love him anyway of course. But during that nap time, I write. I write and write and write. It amounts to stuff sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't and that's okay. I've been doing it since he was a few months old and most everyone who knows me knows a little about it.

Anyway, yesterday will go down in history as Super Monday in my little writing world because I got not one but TWO acceptances. There have been plenty of black Tuesdays, or bleak Thursdays, etc. where I've gotten two rejections or ack! more. But, never have I gotten more than one acceptances in a day!

So, look for new links soon! I'll have new publications coming out! And thanks Collin for keeping up your end of the bargain for sleeping as long as you do for as many months as you have. You are the best napper I have ever heard of! And, you are pretty good on the computer too, helping me send out all those query letters!

Awww...this is a really old picture (well as "really" old as a picture of an almost 19 month old can be). Can you tell that I'm reminiscing today?