Sir, The Whole Inter-the-Net Knows How Cute I Am!

What else is there to say about this? Not much. Not much. Oh, except that he figured out how to get the frogs off the back of the rank and tried to stab himself...on purpose. For you non-military types, frogs are pin backs and rank is the pin on the front of the hat. I'm not sure why we can't call things by normal names.

Grandpa and Great Grandma are visiting. It's the perfect time for Collin to experience tickling, wrestling and all kinds of things from different people. It's also the perfect time for other people to taste his imaginary monkey-in-a-barrel tea. It's delicious. Anyone else want a cup? Tastes like air.

A visit from Great Grandma surprisingly also meant that she wanted to learn what the heck this Facebook thingie was all about. "What?" she kept saying when we already knew that so-and-so was doing such-and-such. "How do you know this already?!" Status updates of course. A lesson had to be quickly established for the lady who doesn't have a computer and doesn't "do" the Internet. Amazement quickly followed. You mean you can TALK to people! "Why wouldn't you just call?" I don't ask such questions. I ask, why don't you eat lunch right-side up. But, hey maybe I'm just crazy that way.

First Band Aid at Fort McClain

Collin got his first Band Aid here today. You might ask yourself how a kid that's well over two years old has gotten through life this far without need of a band aid. Well, I don't rightly know the answer to this. Maybe he's just lucky. Maybe I just let him bleed profusely until he scabs over. Maybe I just dangle him over the sink until it stops. Who knows.

But, the irony of this injury is that he got a paper cut on his cuticle repeatedly slamming a DVD of "Twilight" into and out of the cardboard sleeve. Ha! A vampire movie! And, I saw the blood on the cardboard! Tee-hee! Anyway, he didn't actually need a band aid per se, but I'd just bought cute ones with Mickey Mouse. Not sure why, considering he's never needed one.

Anyway, look how excited he got about having one! I think it was a good call. I'm also thinking that he will continue to injure himself thusly so he can get more band aids, or just continue to request them. Apparently, it was the highlight of his day.

And, just for the giggle of it; look at my ridiculous cat. Daddy and Collin made a fort-ish tunnel thing to drive cars under this morning. They abandoned it when they went to the commissary, leaving the the living room quiet, a perfect place for a nap for the cat. Apparently, it looked just comfy enough as a hammock. Stupid cat.

No Killing the Cutie

Guess what Collin found in his play set in the backyard today? Guess? You'll never guess! She has eight legs and a big ol' red hourglass on her belly and she was protecting a pretty big egg sack. She was awfully ticked off that we killed her too.

I was awfully proud of my peanut for saying, "Mama! A 'pider! Look!" He came and got me before he touched it and he was a very good listener about NOT touching it, even after it was dead and he was a sincere listener to the lecture about not touching ANY 'pider, EVER! Phew. It's nice to live in California, ain't it?

Aaaah, but he's a cute little guy, isn't he. Collin, I mean, not the 'pider, of course. No wonder the black widow wanted to plant her little babies where she was sure to get a good view of my boy. I'm sure the babies that we smushed will be greatly disappointed not to be able to see him.

Oh well, their loss.

Happy Not Father's Day

I saw this cute crafty idea wherein you can make a hug in a box as an "emergency kit" for daddy by smushing your kid's hands in paint, tying said mess to string and slapping it together with a little poem explaining the whole thing. Awwww. Too bad I didn't see it oh, a month ago, say for Father's Day.

Anyway, Collin didn't take a good nap today and I was feeling a bit adventurous. So, I thought what better than paint, scissors, glue, string, and the hot garage to pass the extra non-sleeping hours of the afternoon? Did I mention we are in a heat wave? Sure, we both needed a shower/bath when we were done to not only de-paint ourselves but to de-stinkify as well. But, it was fun and Daddy got a pretty darn cute little surprise gifty out of it. I like that I had to encourage him to stop painting the bruhses themselves and actually paint the box. I think he shows promise as a budding artist. Is it too soon to sign him up for Julliard?

I even was clever enough to tie the little hand prints apart the length of his arm span so that it would be an appropriately sized hug. Smart, huh? I was not, however, clever enough to use a hand print from each hand; so, it looks like Daddy's being hugged by a freak. What can I say? I'm not always on top of it. When there's plenitudes of open jars of paint, a two year old, a cat and a dog all in the same room, I'm not always on top of my game. His posing was pretty special though. Doesn't he look like a little half-naked statue?

I did get a smile though. One. One single solitary smile. Before he told me, "Mommy, all done taking pictures!"

He was serious too. I feel kind of afraid here. Not for my safety or anything, but maybe for the safety of say, my couch. He's got paint and knows what to do with it.

The Cutest OCD Sufferer Ever

So, it's pretty early to diagnose a mental disorder, sure. But the kid is pretty obsessed with straight lines lately. Seriously. Everything has to be "just so", or he freaks out. Sometimes, I have to take things away from him to prevent a meltdown. Let me be clear, it's my meltdown, I'm preventing, not his. See, he gets so frustrated that his cars, books, blocks, whatever don't cooperate in their umpteenth stacking or lining-up-to-perfection attempt, that his whining makes me insane and I want to bash said items into oblivion; so, the only logical solution is to take the toys away from the child, right? Case in point: books. It's always a good idea to take reading material away from a child, right?

Kidding, of course! I mean look at him, posing in pride next to his shame!

How could I take anything away from that face?
Oh, that's how. He's not always that cute.

Sometimes, he looks like this! And yes, we brush his teeth! I swear that's just food from that meal alone in there!

Other times, he's like this:

We watched "Curious George" the movie for the first time today because it was stinking HOT today and we don't have a/c in the houses here. Usually, the coastal breeze keeps our houses really cool and we don't need it. But, it's just warm enough right now that it's just not cutting it and it was too hot for my sweat monster to do much else but sit around, so a movie it was in the heat of the afternoon. Even in the evening, when he ran around a bit, he was dripping! Can he be any cuter than laughing hysterically at a movie? I'm pretty sure not. I may have had a better video but it was, perhaps, about three minutes long (yes, I actually videoed my son laughing for three minutes! What? I love him!) but; I didn't want to watch the poor 'puter try to upload a video upload for six weeks, or attempt to let anyone else begrudgingly watch it. You're welcome.

Lucky Mama

Collin picked me a clover today. He said, "Mama, you lucky. Save it forever." He did not say, "Mama, you good at taking pictures of small items on a your dresser."

I'm not sure who is the lucky one lately. I mean, when I don't feel well, he gets to lay in bed with me and watch t.v. To him, this is the mother-lode of gleeful joy. Daddy even brings him popcorn! Hey, the next day, when Mama feels better, she's a little less lucky because she surely needs to wash those sheets, right? But, who's the lucky one during the icky part? I think it's me. Who could resist this? Who?

Sure, it's not all snuggles and "Horton Hears a Who?" It's crappy, boring, lonely and icky feeling to be sure. I hate being stuck in my room when Collin is off having fun with Daddy. But, he misses me and I miss him so this is really a bit of fun for both of us to break up the day. Anyway, I think we are all lucky. I love my kiddo.

I feel way, way better today too, "so lucky, Mama" is right. I think tomorrow will be perfect after taking it easy again today. Hooray! Just in time for Daddy to go back to 150 hours a week at work! I think the ass-kicking that Penelope gave my head even looks better on the forehead bruise too!

Mama Lazy, Busy or Just Feelin' Bad?

Well, things are busier these days, what with Daddy not ever being home anymore. Mama has taken to getting up at the butt-crack of dawn so she can get stuff done before the little guy gets up and thus, she gets to actually feel like she is playing with him and enjoying his company, rather than rushing around and being nuts with him during his waking hours. This leaves her feeling sane, rather than feeling annoyed with him. This also leaves the two of us feeling a bit busy because we are having too much fun!

Case in point, tent time! Or as Collin called it as he dragged the monstrosity out from under the bed the other day, "Collin play this game, Mommy!"

This also means that because Daddy isn't around during bath time of late, Mommy isn't updating the blog as much lately. Sorry, grandparents! I'll be better. Promise. Or, at least I'll try.

How can I be this lazy about blogging when the little guy is this cute?

Or, this cute?

Anyhoo, Mommy has another excuse. Penelope, the headache, has been back. She's also found a new evil trick. She scarred me! Look at what she did to my head! That bruise on my temple...that's her! Seriously! My head hurt so freaking bad, that it actually bruised me! I'm not sure if it's the ice packs or me rubbing my head or the actual pain, but it's actually black and blue. Grrrr. Stupid Penelope. Now, I not only have a headache, but I look like a freak. At least I have a snuggle partner, one that comes with his own monkey!

Bad Parents, Good Examples and Freaky Kid

So, about two months ago during a migraine attack that I'm pretty sure killed a major portion of my brain, likely the part that is responsible for spelling the word, "because" (I always spell it wrong!), I was watching the movie, Labyrinth in my bedroom. Collin snuggled up with me for about ten minutes and I thought, "eh, what harm can it do?" Well, he saw Sarah, the main character, almost fall into the Bog of Eternal stench and he's been talking about it for TWO FREAKING MONTHS!!!!

"Lady get owie!" or "Lady fall down!" He's been unbearably concerned for her welfare and it's been driving us nuts. He brings her up no less than forty dozen times a day. No kidding. So, I had a thought that was either going to fail miserably, ending in terrible nightmares featuring David Bowie in crotch-errific pants and feathered hair or stop this fear for Jennifer Connelly's constant safety. The idea? Let my 2 year old watch a PG-rated movie, in its entirety and let the chips fall where they may. I thought maybe if he saw that she was actually OK, he'd relax, especially if we coupled the experience with a special treat, namely popcorn.

So, Labyrinth is actually a teensy bit scary if you watch it as a 2 year old. But, we made some popcorn and pretended it was awesome, which it is! The kid was enthralled. He loved it! My punishment for being letting him be "bad?" I think it's shiny forehead syndrome in this picture.

Daddy's punishment? Collin's popcorn hands all over his clothes. Wait, isn't that my punishment too? I have to do the laundry in this house.

I'm not all fun and bad influence though. Apparently after gorging on popcorn that day and feeling all sloth-like from watching a movie all morning, he felt the need to work-out after nap. He took it upon himself to go get what he calls, "his weights," from the closet and do his "ekersice." Seriously. I can't make that up. I must be a good influence on him. Trust me, he does NOT get that from his father.

He did not, however appreciate the homemade quiche his mommy made for dinner. I just had to share the beauty that was this thing with the world. The last one, Bryon wrecked before it made it to the table. Getting it out of the pan is a challenge because it can collapse, which Bryon managed to do. This time, I did it and ta-da, perfection. No store bought crusts for this house. Yummy. Collin said, "No like this. Cupcake please." I have nominated myself for mommy of the year because you know what? I actually made cupcakes after that. Yep, I did. What? He worked out that day! He needed the carbs.

And finally, I think he's a bit of a freak. Yes, summer has arrived in SoCal, but it's not THAT hot. After nap time the last two days, this is what his pillow looks like. Yep, that's sweat.

Eeeek! Seriously, is that weird or what? It's gross! Then he's all grouchy when he wakes up because he's clearly uncomfortable and he wants to hug and snuggle and lay all over me to feel better. I love the kid but he's like a wet mop. Who wants to hug that? Uhhh, not so much me. I kind of feel like wiping him off though. Is that wrong? And yes, I changed his sheets.

Cutest Non-Napping-Anorexia-Inducing Kid Ever!

Collin picked up my issue of Glamour magazine today. It was just lying around on the couch, and he thought, "Hmmmm, this is surely appropriate reading material for a two-year old boy. I mean, yes, I do need to know all about Cameron Diaz and the enlightened woman." The strange part, (yes the strange part), he opens to a photo of a woman with her back to the camera, wearing nothing but a thong and a impish little grin (what other expression would you have with that outfit?) and he says, "Mama, that's a hippo!" When I tried to correct him, he only got more insistent. Poor girl. Then, the more I thought about it, poor anyone who will have to live up to Collin's clearly exacting standards :)

Then, we had another brutal "nap-time" today. As you can see, it went well. And no, I don't actually drag my child across the ground, thump him in the legs with heavy objects or otherwise abuse him. He seems to somehow take care of the self-flagellation himself, successfully making his limbs look like his parents look like a walking billboard for child abuse.

This is the result of battling being exhausted. One might argue, oh give up on the whole thing. Let the kid stay up, right? Well, one might realize now that the kid is truly tired, huh? If only Collin would realize that!

He's also cute though too, right? See, have no fear; twenty seconds after this meltdown, he decided to ham it up. This is Collin telling me he's making a "happy face," and demanding that I photograph it for him.

This is his "sad face." It looks a little like Zoolander "blue steel" to me, but he's pretty insistent that it's "sad." Whatever; I see gasoline fights in his future.

This is his, "'I'm so adorable, you forgive me for the last few hours that I was supposed to be silent and sleeping, right?' face."

Of course I forgive you, you little crapper. Now, eat your delicious and perfect souffle that Mommy made you for dinner. What? What's that? Daddy's not home for dinner to see that they are scrumptious and rose to perfection? Oh, souffles don't even wait for kings? Hmmm, then we'll just enjoy them together. Besides, we all know who rules the roost around here.

No Rest for Collin

Collin has been on a sleep strike. This is unacceptable for me, mostly because I don't appreciate the nearly forty pound albatross that attaches itself to my calves upon non-napping afternoons and then doesn't detach until bedtime, screeching, whining and otherwise yelling about various things such as sippy cups that are unlocatable or that this that or the other thing is simply too heavy. Something simply had to be done about this nap-strike. I decided that bringing him to the point of sheer exhaustion was the only solution. Since we live inches away from really pretty trail access to the ocean, I had him there at the crack of dawn this morning; not a bad way to start the day, mind you.

Did I let him ride in a stroller? No. Did I let him con me into carrying him, despite the greullingly steep hills? No. Was it exhausting? Yes. I wanted a nap! I wanted more than that. I wanted to leave him there. It took us 20 minutes to hike down and nearly an hour and half to get up the hill. I think there should be some sort of medal for my patience.

Maybe my reward is that he still thinks that this is a smile. Cute, right?

I thought that this was not exhausting enough. I still took him to the park since we were home before lunch. We played and chased and built sandcastles, swung on the swings and did all the park stuff too. Surely this kid would nap. I think I mentioned I wanted to. I barely wanted to walk the one block home from the park.

Still, he needed time out to be convinced he was exhausted. He could barely keep his eyes open but he was convinced that there was more excitement, more playing to be done. What is with that kid! Oh, and not one, but two time outs! I think I have a crazy child.

What Mama Thinks of Daddy's New Hours

Well, with a new job usually comes a raise, right? Not so in the military, even if it is kind of a biggish deal, like being the general's exec. Bryon is all, "shh, don't make a deal out of it." I say, it's kind of a deal, right? If someone goes to work at 0630 and doesn't come home until his kid is in bed at night and someone is handpicked for the job, it's a deal, right? Anyway, sadly in the military, it being a big deal is supposedly reward enough. But for mommy, she got new shoes for herself for the big sacrifice that she is going to make for being supportive :)

Not that she didn't need them anyway. I told Bryon that when he runs more than .05 miles a week, he can have new running shoes. Currently, if the treadmill could talk, every morning, he'd say, "Good morning, Rachel, where have you been? I've missed you since yesterday." If Bryon stepped on there, he'd say, "Whoa there big fella! Who the hell are you? Have we met?"

This is also what I think of the new hours. Collin is missing Daddy. Can you tell? For anyone who knows me, this picture should be shocking. SHOCKING! I gave him one too. Kidding. I actually gave him two.

Kickin' the Bucket

He's cute.

Some may even call him debonair. (p.s. Daddy took this picture on a cell phone. Call me an old fart if you will, by that just fascinates the pants off me)

But, give that kid a bucket and he's a menace! Look at the fear and cowering of his poor mama. He was slamming it so hard on my head, I think I may be concussed. Love doesn't hurt, Collin. Love doesn't hurt.

P.S. Daddy starts a different job this week in which he gets to use a Blackberry, by which, my argument is such that I think I should get one too. Don't you agree? It would be all so much easier to communicate vital information, like "Collin sucks right now, grrrrr," right? Or, "Collin threw something at my face and I am annoyed, why are you late?" Especially, since this job comes with super-duper longer hours. So, don't you think I should get a Blackberry of my very own too? Maybe a pink one; they come in pink, right? And maybe a teenager to teach me how to text with shorter words and perhaps how to operate it? Tell Bryon.

Stuck on You

Collin is developing a taste far divergent from his mama's; that being for the less finer things in life. It's no secret that I don't shop at the cheap stores in the mall. Never have. Sure, I'm a sale-rack shopper, a bargain-bin gal, when I can, but I'm a gal of expensive tastes. Anyhoo, Collin seems to be developing a taste for the $1 rack. (remember the $1 drawing pad? oh yeah, still going strong!) Good for him. It'll serve him well in life. Wish I could develop that taste! I bought him a pack of $1 stickers at Target the other day (408 stickers for $1!!!) and this is the result.

He entertained himself with one page of the stickers for nearly an hour. An hour! One page!

There are six pages left in that darn book. It's clearly cheaper than a babysitter! I've found myself a bargain here, a real bargain!

The two flaws with this bargain: I was equally covered in stickers because it's of course not fun to cover only yourself with stickers, and he didn't have the dexterity enough to remove the stickers from the sheet himself, so he needed me to get them off the page for him; after that, it was smooth sailing. So, while it was all good fun, it's not alone-time fun in it's entirety.

And then.....there's this. You know how the little boy has this penchant for being wrapped in blankets? Well, we thought we'd broken him of that. Nope. Every once in a while he sees the blanket on the back of the couch and decides, "heck, I think I'd like to have no use of any of my limbs for a few seconds." This is the hilarious result. Free, good, silly fun for all. What a bargain.