Collin Wants a Baby

He's not getting one! But he wants one anyway. We had the following conversation today after Gracie and Baby Ben left:

Collin: Baby Ben is Gracie's Brother
Mommy: Yep

Collin: Collin have Brother too?

Mommy: Nope.

Collin: Baby Ben be Collin's Brother?

Mommy: Nope. That's Gracie's Brother.

Collin: Eddie be Collin's Brother?

Mommy: Sure. Eddie can be your brother.

Sounds like a plan to me. The dog can be his brother. No more birth-giving or potty training required.

Why does Collin Miss his Parents?

Collin had baby-sitters today. They had to put him to bed. We should've paid them a million dollars since putting Collin to bed is about as easy as herding cats. Okay, it's not so terrible. But, it's not super fun. He's learned the, "I need more water, have to go potty, and please read me more stories!" tricks. He's also learned that more hugs and kisses equal just five more minutes. He'd also prefer to stay in time out just a little longer than to get into bed. It's a fun, fun cycle.

Anyway, it was a joy to have to go to a function tonight and have someone else do it. Not a joy? Coming home to a kid that was still awake an hour after he went to "bed." The reason? Because he missed us! That actually was a joy. Maybe he misses us because he loves us. What do you think?

The Scrapper Participates in Torture

Yeah, Collin's been in time-out a lot the last few days. Mostly, it's because he's taken to tormenting Homer. A lot. Okay, a lot is an understatement. He's been doing it slightly less than he's been breathing. He's been screaming at the top of his lungs and running after him like a knife-wielder in a cheesy slasher flick. It's horrible. What's worse? Homer keeps going back for more! Poor cat! But, he's had enough a couple of times and shwacked him with his clawless pillow paws and even nipped at him twice now.

Still, he looks traumatized doesn't he? A kitty, hiding in a pile of pillows; doesn't it break your heart. I didn't have the heart to move him to do my typing in my usual soft spot in the couch, despite the fact that's where my butt groove is. Sad, isn't it? I kind of have a butt groove.

But, don't despair; my boy isn't all bruiser. He's being punished swiftly and severely for being mean. And, it's working...I think. He's toughening up in that regard too. He doesn't need me anymore because of all my meanness for punishing him apparently. He was dragging his wagon (and no, I don't mean his cute caboose), the other day and bit it on the cement. He refused my help, despite the pain he was clearly in. He stood up and cried hysterically, continuing to drag his wagon down the street. It was quite the scene. I wish I had the camera. All I have to show for it is his scrape, still visible, THREE days later. Scraper, I tell you. Scraper.

Oh yeah, and he does own shirts...we had pizza for dinner! I just didn't feel like using the lifetime supply of stain remover! See, cute in clothes too! Even if they are PJs.

Attack!

...0f cuteness, that is.

I mean seriously; can you beat that?

Did You Miss Us?

We've been away. I know; it's hard to survive without us. Truly, I didn't have much of an excuse not to update on Friday. Laziness. But, Saturday we spent almost seven hours in the car. Sunday we had super loads of fun in Morro Bay with Granny and Grandaddy and then we snuck home early to avoid traffic on Monday. But, lots and lots has happened. Well, in our world, our version of lots and lots anyway.

First, Collin woke up from a nap, in a good mood! Sure, it happens kind of often. But, I felt the need to document the occasion for a change. Look at that face. Pretty cool, huh? I'm glad I had it to reflect upon today when he woke up as the spawn of Satan today.

Second, he decided that after dinner, it was fully necessary to strip off all his clothes and throw them around the house. This is him mid-swing. Yeah, yeah I stopped it. Yeah, yeah, it's not cool to throw things. Sure. But, it was funny, briefly.

And, it resulted in naked story time, which he chose to partake in alone, seated in front of the entertainment center. He dragged the chair there all by himself, which was a feat in itself, and took his little books there one at a time to read. It was really quite something to watch.

It was a good thing he got all the naked stuff out of his system before we got ready to go visit Granny. He was so excited the morning that we left! Eddie, however, was nervous. He didn't quite want to leave his bed. Collin thought he'd comfort him by drawing him pictures of how much fun we'd all have on his trusty little erasable pad. Eddie wasn't amused. He was even less amused moments later when Collin used the pad to schwack him on the head. Time out soon followed.

At Granny's house, he discovered G.I. Joe for the first time. Wow! This is the moment, the defining moment, if you will, of his little life, I think. You are witnessing his first steps, into little boyhood, right here. Here is what I want to know though; how does a little boy who's never seen G.I. Joe, never heard of the guy, never seen a gun, a cartoon with anything like it, know what to do with a weapon of any kind? Yep, he gets a rocket/torpedo/whatever and immediately "shoots" Mommy in the belly with it complete with sound effects. Pretty snazzy. Yep, those are my feet.

He also got to experience a forest his size. We went to the "Elfin Forest.," which is a forest of really pretty trees and shrubbery that is sort of pint sized. You can't tell really from the pictures, but it's all quite lovely and small!

The little man looks relatively to scale! I'm kidding, of course. The trees are normal size, they are just smaller varieties.

Bathtime Before Lunch

You know your son has had a fun morning if he needs a bath before he even eats lunch. And hey, I'm not even one of those moms who plunks him in after the park every morning, despite the fact that I sometimes have to vacuum the bed for fear that he'll sandpaper his skin off overnight.

Anyway, I think he created masterpieces. He thinks he learned the color, "black." Maybe he's a Rolling Stone (get it--Find a red door and want to paint it black?...anyone? anyone?) Nope, no black here. Neon, yes. Black, no.

Is it possible to teach this kid colors? Ever? I'm thinking that maybe not. Stubborn little cuss. Wonder where he got that from? Not me. No, sirree.

Oh, and you might wonder why I didn't bother with a paint smock...I'm not sure either. I thought this might make clean up easier, I think. I think it was a toss up. I didn't have to wash a shirt; but I did have to wash a Collin.

The Only Time He's Quiet

My Grandma told me once that when I was little, she used to turn on the vacuum just to have so peace and quiet from my non-stop chatter. Apparently, I liked to talk. A lot. I think my son was quiet all those months we were worried about him not speaking because he was gearing up for his current state: talking machine. He's a running color commentary on life. I'm considering getting earplugs installed. It isn't that 99% of what he says isn't cute; it's just nonstop!

You can imagine why I love these shots so much. Aaaaah, sweet silence.

Except, he talks in his sleep sometimes!

Shake it Up, Baby!

Is Collin afraid of ANY ride at Disneyland? Nope. Is Collin afraid of bees? Nope. Is Collin afraid of spiders? Nope. Is Collin afraid of getting dunked under water? Nope. is Collin afraid of heights, depths, spinning or anything at all? Ready to add shaking the entire planet to that list, for real? Yep. Not afraid of that either.

Yeah, first real earthquake last night. Officially it registered 4.7. It was pretty intense for me, being from non-shakable Michigan. But, it was pretty cool as well. Collin just found it odd to be awakened. He had saucer eyes and thought it interesting. I'm waiting for what really scares this kid, and I do mean really, really scares, not like when he was afraid of dust a while back.

Back to normal playing the most obnoxious toy he owns this morning...a burping ogre from McDonald's. Oh why couldn't that have fallen through a crack in the floor created by a fault line?

Why is Mommy so Tired?

For starters, she's made cookies three times this week. THREE times. I suppose for one of these functions, I could've succumbed and bought something; but, my heart was in the right place, no? I've decided, I no longer want to be Betty Crocker; however. But, Collin helped out on the last batch; and as such an amazing helper, he got to reap the reward. Everyone knows what that is: "testing" the chocolate chips before you put them into the batter. Got to make sure they're good, right?

I also had to go bra shopping this weekend. Sure, I rested up in between bra shopping excursions for five years now, so I should've been ready for it; but I wasn't. It was horrible. It was awful. It was one of the worst days, probably ever. The stupid Macy's lady that measured me told me that I should just go to the little girls section. That made me feel like crap. So, I stomped to Victoria's Secret where I felt decidedly more like an adult and spent decidedly more money. Still, Collin was having significantly more fun at home in what Daddy called "Fort Snuggie." This is what I was greeted with when I got home. Those are my Snuggie blankets in the process of being turned into a super-fort. Cute, huh?

So, today I've napped. Apparently, this is a great source of amusement for Daddy; and, a great source of snuggling for Collin. I'm a pillow AND a Mommy! It's nice to know that I'm loved both asleep and awake.

Collin Feeds Collin

Collin went to the duck pond today. When most kids go to the duck pond, they bring bread to, you know, feed the ducks. Not my boy. He saw the bread and thought, heck, that's for me!

And, give me more. I'll just sit here a while and chow down. That's my boy, if I've ever seen him. I think I could've predicted this outcome, knowing that bread was involved in the outing. Well, really, if it were actual birdseed, I think it would've been the same.

Sure, the place is beautiful, and there's lots of gorgeous photo opportunities.


Sure, he and Gracie had a fantastic time.

Sure, there was a strange and inappropriate moment shared between the two of them. But, a quick yank sure gets crotch out of the face fast, no?

Maybe not fast enough!

But, that doesn't mean that they didn't make up and have dozens of appropriate moments.

The park is right near our house and they love it. I missed out because apparently, my stomach has decided to reject the McDonald's we ate last night, with ferocity mind you. I was sad. But, Daddy took great pictures didn't he?

I couldn't decide which of the 140 to leave out. Yeah, 140!

So, you're getting a lot of the little man to look at here, aren't you? Figured no one would complain. That's right, I'm not hearing any complaining.

Super Mommy

Mommy is always right. Daddy should know this by now. I just wanted to reiterate it though. Collin's not been falling asleep well because he's afraid of his nightmares. What to do? What to do? I know, Mommy to the rescue! I had a plan, which Daddy poo-poo'ed.

I suggested that, since I told him before that dreams are just like t.v. shows in our head, nothing to fear, that we give him an old broken remote to "change the channel." Daddy thought it was silly. Did it work? You betcha. Look at that silly idea next to him this morning (okay, you can hardly see it, but its in his hand next to him). Does he look well rested and happy. You betcha.

Oh, and by the way, this is a picture of the boy that was taken by Super Mommy, while running on the treadmill this morning. Yeah, moving at a zillion millions an hour. Collin insisted. His words: take picture of Collin, Mommy! His wish is my command. So, to reiterate my points: Mommy saved the day and took a moving picture. Sure, not a good one but a picture nonetheless.

Oooh! More Mother's Day Dreams!

Collin decided Mother's Day wasn't over. I got help cleaning today. "Help" from Collin isn't always helpful; but, it's always sweet, isn't it? Yeah, I don't always sweep the coffee table. And sure, when I'm done, I may not set up the broom as a limbo stick between the couch and the chair. But, I do appreciate the effort and the obstacle course that follows.

And, despite my efforts to take a flattering picture of the bracelet, I failed. Miserably. It looks like crap when I try. First of all, if I try to take a picture of my own wrist, I look ridiculous and it doesn't come out. So, I tried to be all cutesy and shape it as a heart on the box. Awwww. Yeah, forty zillion pictures later, they all came out crummy. So, a link folks. A link is what you get. The folks at Tiffany and Co. know how to photograph their stuff, I figure.

How to Celebrate Mother's Day

Collin's pouting because...well, I'm not sure why; but, it's cute, right? I think he's pouting because I'm not snuggling him enough. What do you think? That's what I choose to believe. I'm sharing my Snuggie with him. What more could he ask for?

See?! Sharing the Snuggie! Sharing! He's even got his arm in one of the arms and I've got my arm in the other. Could that be any cuter? We're watching Bolt together. I wanted to snuggle with my baby on my excuse to celebrate Mother's Day. I think that's a good way to celebrate, right?

I also got to celebrate with a little blue box from Tiffany's. Should I have taken picture of it? Probably. Did I? No. I'm bad. It would've given Bryon a lot of cred that he so deserves. Like say the kind of credit he should get for taking care of the baby all day, cooking me breakfast AND dinner, helping with the laundry today and letting me do whatever the heck I wanted to day, and waiting on me hand and foot, even so far as getting me sodas when I so much as whispered I was thirsty. Yeah, I give him credit. Thanks hubby. Oh, and the little blue box wasn't just empty. I got a pretty bracelet. Maybe I'll take a picture of it tomorrow. I'm too busy admiring it.

Happy Mother's Day to all my favorite mommies out there. Well, and to all the other ones too. Unless you are a sucky mommy. Then, you should be nicer to your kids :)

Mother's Day Eve

Today is otherwise known as Bryon's Birthday. I'm sure to Bryon that is a big deal. Thirty-one years ago, it was probably a big deal to Granny too, as she was, I'm certain, pretty thrilled to be a mommy for the first time. But, these days, she too should be more excited to be honored on the mommy part of the deal; mostly because she did such an awesome job raising her boy that he doesn't care that I make fun of his birthday being overshadowed by Mother's Day among other things!

It's shaping up to be a pretty good weekend too. I had to spend half the day at the mall today picking up glasses that were supposed to be ready half the day earlier. Grrrr. But, I think they look cute with my new Snuggie blanket, don't you? Bryon broke down and surprised me with an early Mother's day present of the "as seen on t.v." blankie. I love it! What could be better than looking like a Jedi warrior princess in your own home? The thing is frigging HUGE! There is absolutely NO chance of toe peekage out the bottom of it and there is nothing better than sleeves on a blanket. Nothing. I'm not sure what the pockets are for. Snacks? But, it's great. Even better? It came with two; so, there's no need to share my snuggie.

He says it's my present from Collin, so I can't wait to see what he got for me tomorrow. Don't tell him that I recognized the return address on the UPS package. I have a sneaky suspicion I know what it is. It's a good gift! I'm excited! Yep, he done good...which still brings me back to Granny anyway. It's all her, right? Happy early Mother's Day, everyone!

I do have to add this one thing though...who taught my man how to spell? I can't blame (or thank) Granny because she writes us lovely letters that are intelligible. But, I asked Bryon to leave me a note to remind me to call the baby-sitter today. This is what I was left with. I asked him later how he might spell the word, "baby," if I were to ask him and his response was, "babie." So, two different spellings, both clearly wrong-O. Yeah, smart guy. Engineer with a master's degree. Babby? Babie? And is that an "f?" I love you, Bryon. Tomorrow, when I tell everyone what a lovely gift you got me, you'll be redeemed. You're already half-redeemed for letting your wife go around the house in a Snuggie.

Ding Dong the Korean Friendship Bell

Can you believe how lucky we are to live in such a beee-u-teee-ful place? Collin got to go play at the Korean Friendship Bell park today after visiting with the seals and sea lions at the rescue place this morning. It was a gorgeous day. Can you tell?

A little peek-a-boo palm bush anyone? I'm not sure if it's cool to walk all over the plaque the way he did to get under the tree like that; but no one but me saw, so shhhh.

Did you know that even Korean Bell parks have play structures? I did. Did you know that at even Korean Bell parks, little boys named Collin like to have their Mamas climb up there with them, just for the heck of it? Did you also know that they don't like their Mamas taking their pictures? But, since we went there with our super friends, Kari and Grace, Mommy got them to take a nice picture that included her for a change. Anyone with kids knows that the Mommy is often the picture taker and is usually the one left out of photos of her precious kiddo. So, look how pretty it was where we were and how happy she is to be able to hold her precious kid for a millisecond before he decided to run off.

P.S. That's the Koren Friendship Bell behind us. In case you were wondering. No, I don't know what it is or means but it's about five minutes from our house and I'm pretty sure it doesn't ring.

Pop Goes the Collin

I apologize now to my son's future mutant children. This is because I've probably doomed his little sperm to be deformed with radiation from errant microwaves. What could I do but let him watch the popcorn? It is fascinating, right? And, it was the first time he'd ever seen it. It was a special treat. He'd been a good boy all for a whole week, something new for him lately; so, I decided to walk him across the street and buy this crazy treat. What a novelty for him. Yeah, can you tell he's impressed?

A Snuggly Day

This morning, Collin insisted on laying down on the couch with me to watch, "just one show." He even used his chubby little finger to indicate the "just one" part. How can I say no when he asks for "just one" of anything? Heck, he even snuggled up like that himself and looked that darn adorable. He had me worked up, man, worked up! He knew what he was doing!

Of course, once the blanket is unfurled, it doesn't take Homer long to get in on the action, regardless of who's underneath it, even a grabby-handed-squirmy toddler. How cute is it that not only did Collin snuggle up on me, but the kitty snuggled up on him. Yeah, it's a crummy picture, but I loved the moment of the cat loving on my kid.


Apparently, snuggling was such a fantastic idea that later on that day, while I was away getting my eyes checked, Collin wanted to get garbage man in on the idea...and monkey too! Can you tell he's digging it? I'm not sure what else he's got under the blanket in this shot; I wasn't home, but he sure looks pleased with himself about it.